I was used and munipilated fir sex and i cant do this anymore. Ex bf and i got back together and less then 72 hours later he broke uo with me. I was having a bad day with my depresion i was even crying he broke up with me saying crap like i could not deal with this last time and i cant this time and he broke it off over text while i was at his house and while he was at my now ex bsf house (it was open relationship) im so done i feel alone i feel like i have nobody i was used for sex and I’m so done
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Damn. Just feels like case closed. The final say on your worth, your life, your future hope of relationships. If this one didn’t work out, feels like none will. Like all you’re good for is for someone to use, but no one will ever love you. And it feels like a lot of your life people have just taken from you in this way but never given anything in return to your heart. So easy to feel alone in that place, like things will never get better, people will never change, and you’ll always feel this empty, this used up, this…broken.
I’m sorry that your ex mistreated you over and over…I’m sorry that they stirred up your hope, only to let you down again in such a crushing way…to feel like they blame it on problems that you’re already sensitive about sharing with others…and then to be left in a heap after it all, with them not giving a fuck, and with you back to where you started, only feeling even lower than before.
It is a brutal place to be, and it is so hard to recover…to decide to rise, to find your feet underneath you again…just feels like there’s no chance of standing up without getting knocked down…it is hard to believe contrary to evidence you see in your life that would suggest you should just stay down and never get back up…go to sleep and just hope that nothing happens after that…
But there’s something in you that defies all of these feelings…something in you that still longs for love, hopes that it is real, and that you can find it. Hopes that someone will understand you, see you, be gentle toward you, and choose to fight this life alongside you. You have this hope that you’ll find friends, that you’ll recover pieces of yourself that felt lost, and that you’ll become more whole than you have been, even though it felt impossible.
And that defiant hope is so beautiful. I see it in you. And I believe that it is worth protecting. It’s worth believing in. It’s worth taking the risk to recklessly hope that these things can come true, even if everything inside of you screams otherwise. That kind of defiance in you is something that can change your world, and the world of others who encounter you, for the better.
I don’t think that it much makes sense, given that you’ve faced such devastating blows lately. But the beautiful thing about defiance is that it’s not about making sense, it’s about standing even when everything says to stay down. I see that kind of defiance in you, and I believe it will rise, despite logic.
You matter. Your pain, and your story, and your hope matter. Keep going.
-Nate
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