Useless and empty

[ironcobra]

Hey everyone, after sick for over a year, 2 1/2 months in hospital and 15 operations, I’m physically fine again. I’ve been back to work for a while, which was really great in the beginning. Meanwhile it is catastrophic again. My boss and my colleagues are all very stressful. The work planning is poor Colleagues (including myself) are bullied and just treated badly. For me, for example, because of my faith. That makes me so exhausted and makes me feel so empty … I am so unimportant and useless …

[Micro]

Hey @ironcobra,

We’re so glad to see you around. Thank you so much for sharing those life updates with the community. It means a lot, really.

First off: wow. So much time spent in the hospital and so many operations. It had to take a lot of strength, persverance and resilience to keep holding on while going through this. I truly respect you for doing what was needed for you to be physically fine again. You are inspiring, my friend.

I’m so very sorry that your workplace is quite toxic. It infuriates me to hear so many times about toxic jobs, with a poor environment, a poor management… overall so many conditions set together to make us feel like shit. In these circumstances, it makes sense to feel unimportant and useless. But this is about the circumstances surrounding you right now, not you as a person. None of what is happening at your job right now is disqualifying you from being an incredible human being with a lot of qualities.

What is missing in your life right now - and which we generally find the most at work -, is validation. The acknowledgement of your efforts. Of what you do. Of who you are. You may not find it at your job right now, but know that we see you here. We see you. We see your beauty. And damn, you’re enough as you are. Your journey is yours. Your faith is yours. Your heart is yours. No one owns the authority to have a say in it and make you doubt or feel ashamed.

You deserve to exist and grow in environments that will make you flourish. As for your job right now, is there any way to talk about waht’s going on to a supervisor? A work union? Is there is a way to have allies by your side who could make the situation stop, then it’s okay to ask for help, friend. You don’t deserve to struggle alone. On the other hand, how do you feel about the job in terms of future perspectives? Do you maybe trying to move to another one could be something to consider at the moment? Though I know that this kind of perspective can be pretty scary at first.

You are loved so much. You have a lot to give to this world because YOUR inner world is vast, rich, precious and unique.

[ironcobra]

Thank you very much for your kind words! I’m kind of happy that I survived the long illness, but everyone else would have that too, I think. A ruptured Achilles tendon is nothing bad now. The bacteria in the wound were stupid. About the job, actually I love my job. (I’m an electrician) the variety and different areas of application are totally interesting and demanding. The problem is my boss, who spreads dissent with his way of doing things. He prefers others and keeps people like me down or knocks me down for no reason. There isn’t really any help, only what would make it worse. When you talk to someone about it, you only hear that the department works … I can’t change departments so easily, my injury hardly affects me another. I don’t want to change the company completely either because I have an open-ended contract.

[ironcobra]

Hey, it’s been almost a year since my post. a lot has changed in that time. My mental health has improved significantly, but I’m not “healthy” yet. But the therapy I’m doing helps me a lot! And I’m noticing it mentally, but also physically, because I’ve finally managed to lose 30 kg and hopefully still will one or two kilograms more! If I’m unsure, I always read your comments! I pray for my work every day, the situation there has gotten much better because more younger colleagues have joined and a fresh breeze is blowing and I have been given more responsibility. Despite everything, I still often feel lonely, empty and useless. mainly due to COVID, I hardly have any social contacts or reach people. I’m still trying to get in touch. thanks for a support!