Vahri Fan #5

I’ve been with someone for 9 years, I love them but sexually idk how I feel about them anymore

Hi Friend,

Thank you for sharing here.
You’ve been with someone for 9 years, that’s something! I can only imagine that you’ve already met wonderful moments together but also, sometimes, difficulties. As the years go by, feelings or desire may decline sometimes. I don’t know how you’re going through this situation but first of all I want to let you know that it’s absolutely normal to go through questions like those you’re having right now. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you or your beloved one or that your couple is adrift.

The fact that you still love them is positive and means that it’s still possible to improve the situation. Sexual intercourse must be based on a mutual desire. Perhaps there are objective reasons you can already try to identify. The routine, the lack of kind attentions, the problems of everyday life, invasive work…

So I don’t know if you’ll find this helpful, but maybe you can try to ask yourself some questions that can help you to find some clarity in this situation. For example:

  • Are there things that have changed in your way of living together over the years? If so, are these things frustrating for you and what would you like to improve?
  • Do you share things together outside the moments of intimacy?
  • Are you experiencing any external difficulties that are of concern to you right now and may affect your desire?
  • Are your intimate moments satisfying for both of you?
  • Do you find some time for yourself, to do things you enjoy without them?
  • Has anything happened recently that could have changed the way you see them?
    (…)

It’s a first step to understand why you’re experiencing this and, depending the answers, you may decide to chose different strategies to improve the situation. Sometimes by receiving outside help, sometimes by reinventing your intimacy.
Also, it can be a decline of desire that is not related to them but due to a physiological change. You’re always free to talk about it with a doctor and have a blood test to be sure everything is ok on that side.

Take care.

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From: ladytapioca

I feel like I can’t say a lot to this but I, personally, feel like a relationship is more than just physical attraction if you feel you still love the person even though you aren’t physically attracted anymore, sexual attraction is one of many branches in a relationship. So maybe sit down and talk to your partner and be honest and see if something can be done, either for fixing this with each other or finding other solutions. I’m sure you can get past this. Hold Fast.

Post edited by Moderator.

From: kayla1508

Hey friend. Thank you for posting! Try to communicate with your partner. Although it’s a hard conversation you have, it’s important. Just because you feel this way, it doesn’t mean the relationship is over or failing. A lot of couples go through things like this.
Hold Fast,
Kayla!

From: mantlebeard

Relationships, long term relationships, are work. There will be changes in both parties . Life changes you. But if you maintain that commitment to honesty and openness you can hold on to other forms of intimacy in when sexually wans

Hey friend! We covered your topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream today! Here’s the live video response :slight_smile: Hold Fast <3

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