God, this kinda became my safe haven, haha.
Anyway, i love my mom. I really do, she’s very lovely and supportive most of the times, but she can be so toxic and hurtful from time to time too. I remember times i used to barely eat, because she always(even when i ate just a little) told me, i eat too much. Or the time she told me, she couldn’t trust me. She tells me, I have to do more sport and that i gained weight, when I actually lost some and am out a lot lately with a friend. It just really hurts. But she also likes to take her anger out on me. She didn’t grew up under the best circumstances and some days she’s really pissed off due to memories and everything and on those days, i’m not even allowed to breathe. She yells and snaps at me for everything, whether I actually did something or not.
Hi friend,
God, this kinda became my safe haven, haha.
Well, we all need safe places where we can just allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It’s not easy to find that kind of haven, so I’m glad this place feels safe to you. 
It sounds that your mom and mine have a lot in common. My mom grew up with a violent dad and her family environment was very, very unhealthy. I learned as I grew up how much she suffered, through her confidences but also through her behavior. Like your mom, mine has always been loving and abusive at the same time - emotionally and physically, with my siblings and I. Anything could be an excuse to be treated poorly, yet we had those moments when she would be kind and loving. As a kid, it’s really hard to understand why someone who suffers can have this kind of attitude, especially when they are supposed to love us unconditionally. I didn’t understand those mixed messages between love and hate, and as an adult now, I am too divided between loving her and rejecting her, because of who she is and because of what she did. She never asked for any kind of professional support, so it resulted with her own traumas passing through another generation.
With all of this, I guess what I’m trying to say is: I’m not in your shoes right now, but what you described is relatable to me - and I am sorry you’re in this position right now.
Through all of this, one thing is sure: you deserve to be shown that you are loved for who you are, and also to be respected. What she says when she gets angry or hurtful for no reason is not the truth. It’s not who you are. I hope you know that, and I hope you will always keep this truth in your mind and in your heart. You may not have the choice but to live with her, yet despite this you can still hold on to some fundamental truths, especially when there is more tension with her.
The fact that you are aware of her own background is awesome. Because maybe this will help you and her to create healthier connections with time. It also helps to keep in mind that whatever she says is not about you as a person but about her own struggles. As you said, her behavior can be toxic time to time. But I’m not saying this is fair. Her behavior isn’t right. And as much as you can understand, it doesn’t mean you’d have to accept it.
Between my mom and I, things only started to change when I became independant. She was still toxic, but physical distance helped a lot and I know that I am now stronger than years ago. I can be honest with her about her attitude - even if it makes her uncomfortable. Progressively, I have learned to set my own boundaries and she had no choice but to accept that. Unfortunately, I had to wait to leave our home for these changes to appear, and it’s a constant “work in progress situation”. The main reason was because she wasn’t able to have serious and honest discussions. She would avoid and deny everything. The few times I asked for her help, she denied it.
So I don’t know how it is between your mom and you, if you’re used to talk honestly together or if there’s a lot of silences and taboos, but if you think communication could help here then maybe it could be worth the try. I’m not telling you what to do with your life or with her, of course. Only that opportunities to communicate can be used when it’s needed - and possible. I know I personally missed that, a lot. I knew there was no room for communication with her. But if you think this could be possible with your mom, to let her know that her attitude can be hurtful, then maybe it could be worth to think about it. And if you feel like it’s not possible, then please keep this haven here in the list of resources that are alway available to you, for everytime you need to be encouraged or just heard. When it feels like you’re alone because of this situation, then keep in mind that this community remains and you are entirely part of it. This is a place where you are loved and cared for. Without any condition or ambiguity, because you’re beautiful as you are.
Sending love your way.