Venting post, don’t have to respond

I don’t really know who to talk to about this so I’m just going to vent here.

Recently two of my very close friends have been hit with hardships in regards to money and the health of animals and a lot of other things and it just makes me feel so defeated as a friend seeing them struggle like this. I honestly do not know how all of this can happen in a span of 3 days at the most. I know that God will never put something in front of you that you can’t get over but right now I am feeling a lot of anger.

I am angry at myself because I don’t really pray often. I don’t read the Bible. I don’t go to church. I don’t know where to start with all of that. I don’t know. I wish that I could pray, but I just don’t feel it when I do. I don’t feel the meaning. I believe in God but I just don’t feel the relationship, which I know I have to work on more.

My friends turn to me a lot to talk about their struggles and I’m glad to be a listening ear but I’ve come to see that I can’t be a listening ear to everyone. Even when you are just listening you still have to talk and it is just hard. Sometimes it’s getting bombarded by 5 different people and it’s just too much.

There is a person who I try to help but they haven’t seemed to take my advice and I told them I needed a break because I really do. And then they messaged me again yesterday and I just got so angry.

Recently anger has become a very but pattern in my daily life.

I try telling people how much they mean to me and that they don’t need to self injure to feel ok and I tell them things will be ok but they can’t see the light that I do because they are in the darkness. I feel terrible for talking to my friend the way I did today, I was being tough on him and I feel terrible especially with all the struggles he is going through.

I wish that I could sit and listen to everyone but I just can’t and I don’t think anyone can; it’s not healthy. I’ve been getting messages from a friend saying I need to be there for this person because I can’t and while I get it I can’t always do that especially lately. I am starting to understand my limits.

There is one thing about posting on the support wall just a simple kind encouraging post for those who are down to see and hopefully be uplifted by- but there is another thing checking in on friends that are struggling every day, and listening to their struggles, and battling with them to see the light. Sometimes my fingers just can’t type fast enough.

I know I need to work on my anger and handling it better. I’m just really tired with a lot of things. I went to an interview for a place I really wanted to work and it sucked, I just feel too awkward and I don’t think that will ever change and it just makes me so mad. The interview wasn’t that good but I don’t know if I am ready to work there yet anyways. I have an interview on Sunday so I hope this will be ok. I’m just so tired of trying with certain things. Whenever my dad is home I just have constant anxiety and it sucks a lot. I get sidetracked so easily and it is so frustrating.

Some good is I can see the light a lot more often now and I have a lot better coping mechanisms and I don’t resort to self injury now.

I guess what I do is I just take all the struggles of others and put it on myself- I care too much when my friends are struggling I guess. If that makes sense. I know that is not good at all to do that but I just don’t know how to not have things affect me so much.

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Lyss - well done for posting this. Whatever happens at this interview won’t change the love we have for you here. Maybe it’d be an idea for you to take a break from the people bombarding you for a while. You know that it’s unhealthy to take on so many more things ontop of your own, it’s just time for you to act on that realisation. Explain to the people that you feel you need a break from that you’re not abandoning them, but you need some time to work on your own mental health… If they want to chat with you, that’s fine, but when you tell them that you can’t support them the way they need, they need to respect that and take your suggestions of posting on the wall/real talk or even reach out to someone else they trust. YOU are the most important person right now.
I’m not religious, but if you think it would be helpful I know there are vidoes and resources for exploring your beliefs on the HeartSupport website… I have a link if you would like them and struggle to find them.
I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come in your self injury recovery too.

Hold Fast
Kayla

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Thanks Kayla, I appreciate your words. Love you.

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Hey kiddo. You are single handedly one of the most caring, and most kind, and loving people I’ve ever met. If you want to talk religion, spirituality, and/or faith at some point there are many people around here including myself that would love to talk. If you don’t bend, you break(little Overwatch/Zenyatta reference for you). You matter so unbelievably much to everyone and it is important to take time for yourself to relax and not worry about the outside life. As much as you help others it’s important to take care of yourself too. You love a lot of people and I worry about you a lot because I don’t hear you care for yourself too.
With the change of the seasons and the oncoming stress of work and weather changes being a bit more frustrated is completely normal. I love you dearly friend.
Hold fast.
-Ethan, Stephen, Mandie, JoeJoe/On The Brightside.
<3

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Hey Lyss,

You are being so so hard on yourself. I would love to have a friend like you! You are so kind and caring and you seriously don’t give yourself enough credit for it!
Thank you for posting! It’s good to vent and release those innermost feelings and thoughts.

From what I can tell you are probably bottling you emotions up because you are putting everyone else’s feelings before your own which may be some of the cause of the anger that you are feeling. Or I could be wrong.

If you feel like your anger maybe getting out of control try talking to someone, or find something to channel your anger into. For me I play drums, maybe try an instrument or boxing, sports, drawing. A creative release is a good way of turning your negatives into positives.

You are so selfless but sometimes you do need to put yourself first sometimes and take a break.

As for your struggles with religion I myself am not religious but my family are, they tell me that just because you don’t hear an answer from god doesn’t mean he’s not there, he listens he understands and that on its own should give you the courage to find your own answer. I recommend going to church once or twice a month if possible it could potentially build up that relationship with god which I think you would positively benefit from, as well as giving you a small break from your friends struggles.

I really hope some of this helps :grimacing:
Hold fast
Luna x