Back to heartsupport

Venting this anger and rage

Short long story my dad gets on my nerves too easily. I just feel so fucking triggered by him when he fools around with me, like I know he wants to tease me and he achieves it; the thing is I get too fucking volatile, seriously I feel like I could throw him the most savage hit in the face and maybe won’t stop there because I feel so fucking filled with rage, I’m thirty years old, good shape around 1,87 meaning I hit hard and with anger I will punch you out of your consciousness. But that scenario is not good. So I try to breathe trough it, feel the anger but remain calm, but the urge to explode is so huge…
I know where this anger comes from, It exploted in a therapy last week and behind it there was inmense sadness and pain from my childhood, the thing is I couldn’t let it out fully because even there wasn’t the right time…

This happened specifically an hour ago, he teased me, came around jocking to me, but ooooh if I reply back he gets mad and victimize himself to probably take some harsh actions, and I don’t wanna do it anyways you sick bastard, I don’t wanna fall in your sick game of shaming just because you bored or you don’t know how to deal with your emotions… and so my mom tags with him and I swear I just can’t bear it. I don’t know if I am overreacting, if I am being too sensitive, or don’t know… I am the one who is wrong you know!

So I go to my room because anyways I was planning to do some meditation but now I really had to do it, but before it I thought about what happened, and I came to the conclusion that they are both really a couple of sick sneaky toxic parents and it hurts me to think of me when I was a child, the shit I had to bare and that stuck with me all my life, I am finally letting it out when this quarantine ends, i’ll go to the therapy and deal with all this bullshit in me with guidance.
For now all I can do is breathe and vent here. Thank you.

2 Likes

Hey friend,
I know how it feels to be bullied by parents and feel like you’re going to explode. With quarantine and all, find some ways to expel that energy in a positive way. Like cleaning, walking, running, push-ups, etc. Something physically non-violent to help lessen the build up. I’m glad to hear that you have therapy and are working through these issues. That is super positive and will no doubt help you in this time, being able to talk to someone while venting here. We’re always here to listen. Just know that you can get through this and we are with you. Hold fast.

2 Likes

I’ve had family members crap on me from time to time. It sucks it hurts and it is not funny. I agree with @Stafflower find something positive you can do whether it is drawing, journaling, meditation or some kind of exercise, anything positive to have you feel that you have an outlet. I’m sorry that your dad is a bully and an instigator, no parent should be that way towards their kid no matter how old they are. I hope that the situation improves for you soon. Keep hanging in there.

2 Likes