Very depressed not sure what to do

I stay in bed until 12 pm or 1 sometimes unable to get up. I feel as though there is no point to getting up and as much as I want to sometimes I just can’t do it. Things have been getting worse for a while. I’ve been drinking every night to ease the pain I feel and I know this is bad but I do it anyways. The pain I feel in my head and even physically is taking a toll on me. My parents are worried about me. I know I need help. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Everything seems so pointless. I dream of committing suicide every night, but its not something I would ever do. I feel as though there is no point to life anymore. It all seems so stupid to me now and it’s frustrating to be stuck in a day of life that has no purpose. I constantly do things I know are wrong in hopes of feeling better but it never works. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe suicide is the answer, but part of me still hopes that life will bring me joy one day. I’ve felt it before and I do want it again. It has just been a full year of turmoil and I thought it would get better by now but it’s only getting worse.

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. I know how hard depression can be. Hold onto the will to want to live. I know it’s hard but things can and do get better. There are counselors who can help, there is medication and meetings. I know it’s hard when we can’t find the motivation to do anything but something that really helps me is taking small steps. Rather it’s showering and going back to bed, showing up to counseling even if I don’t want to go. Reaching out. Going to a coffee shop and sitting in the sun. Its retraining the mind to give myself grace and compassion instead of judging myself. Its doing hard things like allowing myself to believe I deserve help. It’s letting go of destructive behaviors even if it’s one moment at a time. It’s knowing that I have a choice to make changes. Things won’t happen right away but it’s worth it. Help is available and you don’t have to do this alone. Just by reaching out is a big first step. Rooting for you. Keep clinging to hope and even to this desire of wanting to get better. Allow your parents to support you and help you through this. Things do get better.