Very frustrated with my sister

I haven’t been with my sister this much in years. And I can tell. I know I’m being short with her, so I’m trying to take me time away from her. But she’s being clingy. She’s also the oldest. She keeps doing things that bother me, like randomly being unable to keep still (then claiming “its because im adhd” but she’s never done it before) and wanting to keep touching me. Or only wanting to talk about our flag means death and convincing me to watch it (she mentions it daily. At least 5 times.)

I think part of it is im frustrated with her reaction. I told her I am demisexual and queer, and now she’s bi. I said I am gender queer and maybe agender or something, as non binary doesn’t fit. She said same. I told her I think I might be on the aromantic scale and she told me im asexual.
Im autistic and now she is adhd. My other sister is adhd too but doesn’t behave so… weirdly. she has a bunch of weird changes and says its because she is adhd and I think she is using it as an excuse.

Im frustrated with her.

Shes also super overweight (obese) and I know its not my body but it bothers me because it cannot be healthy. And I just feel gross. Maybe because I remember her as normal sized? I don’t know.

I have a lot of pent up frustration with her. I dont want to confide in her anymore. She just says same or says its something else. All she wants to talk about are random interests of hers. Im the autistic one with a special interest!! I do my best to stay tight lipped because no one wants to hear it.

I feel mad and angry and disgusted.

I also left my journal at home which turned out to be a bad idea, despite being on vacation :upside_down_face:

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its normal to get mad a siblings or annoyed there near you a lot same for parents

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Hey sakurasangel, thanks for sharing. I see you’re really frustrated and I think I can understand why.

I can particularly empathise with a couple of things. When you’ve told someone not to touch you, that really isn’t a request and it should be treated as ironclad. I have been absolutely livid when I’ve needed personal space and people have infringed upon that very reasonable request, so I’m right there with you. Not okay!

Another thing is that it just sucks when you’re trying to confide in someone and they invalidate you. I regard reflecting back exactly what you said with only a ‘same’ as a kind of invalidation. It’s just rough. I get the sense you were looking for some level of acceptance, but it seems like you weren’t really heard. It’s possible that she’s undergoing her own journey of discovery and I wouldn’t want to discount the importance or validity of that. Often seeing the people around us opening up gives us the space to introspect and discover things about ourselves. It just hurts when you open up and get little back, and I get that.

A couple of things from your sister you’ve described do sound a little like presentations of ADHD, or a number of things, but of course that’s only an explanation and not an excuse. I think that we have to take ownership of our actions, partly because that’s the only way we can grow. That doesn’t mean that it’s not really, really hard to do so, but it does mean that we have to be the ones to take accountability.

How you’re feeling is understandable, but please remember that this isn’t just a place to vent. Your post will be read by many people and so disparaging comments and judgments should be kept private. This place really is for all of us, whether we’re neurodivergent and/or struggling with issues regarding body image, or we’re not. HS is intended to be as free from judgment as possible, to give people the space to be open about vulnerable topics when they need to be. Those comments shouldn’t go unchecked, but I acknowledge that sometimes we say unkind things when we’re frustrated. It’s okay to do so when we’re venting in a private space, but in a public domain it’s important to be mindful of the audience your post may reach. I know you didn’t mean to harm anyone, but I would be remiss to omit mentioning this.

It really sucks that you don’t have your journal with you! You’re totally free to keep sharing how you feel here with us if you feel that would help. What I like to do is make notes on my phone when I really need to vent. If that sounds like it could help you too, I’d also encourage that. I also hope you’ll find ways to take space away just for yourself, so you can relax and unwind a little. This situation sounds stressful, and I wouldn’t want you to have to bear that for too long without relief.

I’ll be here if you want to talk more! All the best!

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, sakurasangel! I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time with your sister right now and that she is not respecting what you are saying or respecting your boundaries. I hope this post has helped you feel a little better and that using us as your journal may be able to help you enjoy your vacation a bit more. Please don’t be shy about doing so.

And I understand the struggle of questioning your orientations and gender identity. I hope you find your words and they help you feel empowered and at home with yourself :green_heart: :purple_heart: :green_heart:

Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your vacation :hrtlegolove:

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From: Dr Hogarth

Hi sakurasangel,

I’m really glad you felt able to reach out here.

I was diagnosed with Autism when I was in my early twenties and it was around that time that I started understanding who I was a lot more. My behaviour changed a lot and I think I went through a time of almost trying to act more like “an Autistic person”. It was probably quite weird and annoying for those around me, but it was part of me figuring myself out and processing my diagnosis. Sounds like your sister is maybe going through the same thing; trying to process who she is now.

Obviously, I can’t say if your sisters have ADHD or not, but I will say that ADHD presents in a variety of ways. We’re only just beginning to understand the differences that women experience with ADHD for example, as the diagnosis is mainly derived from male patients.

We all have the ability to be annoying when we’re trying to figure ourselves out. Perhaps your sister is seeing you as an anchor and thinks being like you is a safe way to be at the moment, or perhaps you have genuinely said things about yourself that have resonated with her.

I guess all we can do is be there for those close to us and realise that we can all be a bit annoying sometimes. x

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey, Thank you for your post, It can be overwhelming and frustrating when a sibling looks up to you, wants to be like you and spend time with you to the extent that you feel like you are being sufforcated and I know that in turn can make you annoyed and bitter towards that person and the your thoughts turn to the not so pleasant things about them but you do have to take a step back at that point and remember a couple of things, firstly that is your sister and she loves you, she wouldnt be doing this if she didnt and they are very strong thoughts to have about your sister, they are strong thoughts to have about anyone, to be disgusted by someone because they dont look the way you think they should is quite something and not the kindest of thoughts to have. I think there needs to be a lot of grace given here on all fronts, you to your sister and she also needs to learn to give you some space when you ask for it. Life is too short and you will always have eachother but you will both get older and have your own lives, so try to enjoy the times you have together. Good luck. Much Love Lisa. xx

From: Mamadien

Hey, sakurasangel. It sounds like you are frustrated with your sister. It sounds like things in her life and health have changed since you spent time with her last. Family vacations can be tough when you haven’t spent much time together. How long is the vacation? It sounds like this is a temporary situation as far as having to be with your sister this much. Can you perhaps pick up a notebook to use as a journal while you are there to help you process your feelings? I wish you well with the rest of the vacation.

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