Waiting to die in the next 60 years or so

I’m 23. Since Middle School, I decided that there’s nothing that I really want to do in life. I’ve done about a decade of therapy and I finally realized that therapy is for people who want to change their situation, for people who don’t want to kill themselves. Is there anything out there for people who don’t have that level of motivation?
I’ve always told people that I’m very lazy. I did poorly in school because I never did the school work. I still live at home with my parents because I don’t want to get a job. People keep telling me that I’m not lazy and I figured it out today that it’s all because I’m just waiting for the next 60 years until I die. I’ve always thought about committing suicide but after attempting it and pulling out, I made the decision that I won’t do it. So now I’m just waiting until I can finally die of natural causes.

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Friend - I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way right now. Therapy works if you WANT it to work, if you’re not ready for it then it can do more harm than good. However COUNSELING (its different) may be something worth looking into - talking therapy can be good for people not ready for the more intense stuff. Also please slow down. You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself. Doing badly in school isn’t the end of the world. Living at home at that age, even going into 30s is actually something VERY common right now and there’s nothing wrong with it. I think right now you need to focus on getting yourself better before you start to look at applying for a job because the pressure of that can be A LOT. I recommend looking into Dwarf Planet, a fairly new book released by HeartSupport that you can get for FREE if money is an issue for you that will help you explore your depression and help you work through it. It’s baby steps. You can get through this. Talk to your therapist about how you’re feeling as well and see what they suggest. They may be able to point you in the direction of something more effective. This isn’t the end for you. Keep reaching out, keep fighting.

Hold Fast
Kayla

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Hey friend,

I’m really sorry that you have to fight this battle as well. It’s not easy, but I am proud of you for reaching out to us, it is not taken for granted.

First off- I would like to call attention to the fact that you’re only 23- there are many more years to get up and go. What are some things you are passionate about- or some things you love? It can be art or music or anything.

Therapy does not work for everyone- just like medication does not work for everyone- and that is totally OK. I encourage you to make a list of things you have tried, and from there you ca determine what other paths to take- we know you’ve tried therapy, but have you tried medication? I’m not trying to shove that down your throat- I just want you to know it is an option. I know that this won’t solve everything- but diet and exercise plays a big role in how we feel overall. What I will say is if you want to get better- than you are going to have to fight, and you are going to have to fight; you may not want to do it but if you want to get better you have to.

Friend, I understand some of these feelings personally, but please know you are not alone. You have to fight. You have to do stuff to get better.

We are here for you no matter what. We are here for encouragement- if you ever need some encouragement come to us. We got you. We believe in you.

With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)

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hey there friend,
im so sorry you going through this. theres nothing wrong with living with your parents i have a friend on the twitch community who has a disabilaty and is 27 and is still living with his parents. what ever you do please dont commit suicide thats not an answer. by the way good job pulling out. i wish you good luck and hope you get everything figured out. remember you are worth it and remember to hold fast.
-ashley

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Friend - I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way right now. Therapy works if you WANT it to work, if you’re not ready for it then it can do more harm than good. However COUNSELING (its different) may be something worth looking into - talking therapy can be good for people not ready for the more intense stuff.
Honestly the only reason I’m doing anything is so that my parents still let me play video games and watch TV. If I stop doing it then they will take those away and eventually kick me out. Which could cut down on the time it takes for me to pass away but it would be less enjoyable.

Also please slow down. You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself. Doing badly in school isn’t the end of the world. Living at home at that age, even going into 30s is actually something VERY common right now and there’s nothing wrong with it.
I know it’s not the end of the world but my parents want me out of the house before 30 because they were told that at 30, the desire for a person to go out and explore goes down. Pointing this out reminds me that 90% of my motivation comes from not wanting to be yelled at. Admitting this to people around me will bring them to the conclusion that they need to be a lot more involved in my life and yell at me a lot more in order for me to be productive and that’s something I am avoiding so I continue to walk the balance of having the most amount of free time and the least amount of effort in therapy/career. This involves admitting enough to make it sound like others are addressing the problem but only giving problems that require little effort to solve so that I can say “look I made progress” and get my free time. Anything too deep and I either end up in the hospital again where I just BS my way out (just like in school), getting an angry parent breathing down my neck, or kicked out of the house.

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You are 23. You have plenty of time to work up to making these steps! Just focus on the now. The little things that you can do to build up to these goals. You don’t have to do everything at once. “A mile is walked with many steps” < told to me by someone I respect hell of a lot. You’ll get there. Baby steps.

Kayla

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Fight fight fight, for what? I don’t know who I’m fight for, what I’m fighting for, why I’m supposed to fight. I don’t want to fight I just want someone to make it better for me and if that’s not possible then I want to know so that I can continue slowly drowning with the confidence that there really is no other way than to fight.

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Hey @Dire_Storm,

I’m sorry to hear about the spirit of apathy that you’re dealing with. Could you please elaborate a little more for me? For example, is it just apathy, or are you also fighting against depression/anxiety? Are you taking any medication for it? I’m glad that you spent a decade seeking therapy; even if you feel like it didn’t work, talking to someone about what you’re struggling with always makes you feel a little better (even if it’s just a friend). Speaking of feeling better, if you’re dealing with anxiety, I wrote the following list for myself when I’m dealing with it, and I hope it works for you too:

  • Take deep breaths whenever you think about breathing (“4-7-8 Method”)
  • Consider taking moon-enhancing tablets (Omega-3, 5-MTHF)
  • Make sure to get enough sleep (Go to bed early)
  • Watch/listen to your favorite comedian to boost your spirit
  • Exercise (Swim, if possible)
  • Download Headspace/Breath (iOS meditation apps)
  • Activate essential oil diffusers (lavender) and mood lights
  • Temporary change to relaxing music (i.e. Hammock)

It’s my personal idea that the goal in life is to find and chase happiness. If you’re happy, great! If you’re not, fight. (In regard to your most recent post above). Anyway, I hope some of this helps!

-Eric

My psychologist told me I have symptoms of double depression - chronic depression with episodes of major depression.
I have a base mood of “ugh I don’t want to do anything” and “I don’t want to do this [task such as chores] I don’t want to do this I don’t want to do this I just want to go back to my computer, the one thing I like about being alive” and if I don’t distract myself enough it grows into “I don’t want any life that I can think of, the computer doesn’t make up for all the other things I have to do” as in I think of different lives such as staying at home, working at different jobs, going to school, etc. “I have to fight through my hatred of school to go to college so that I can fight through my hatred of college to get a job so that I can fight through my hatred of work to live on my own so that I can fight through my hatred of chores” is another thought that I carry. Basically it feels like I have to fight just so I can fight some more and the only thing I’m fighting for is to get people to stop bugging me about my career. The only time the fighting stops is when I’m dead, so I am waiting on that so that people don’t get upset that I finished early. I’m taking lamictal and effexor, but the only difference is that the “I don’t want any life that I can think of, the computer doesn’t make up for all the other things I have to do” thought doesn’t pop up. It does nothing to increase my motivation.

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