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Wanna experience happiness again

sometimes i constantly feel like im in a loophole … i just wanna find a way to be happy but i think this my karma , not being able to be happy … i constantly have to battle depression , trauma and self image… i tried and tried to find HAPPINESS , i don’t open up to people because i don’t wanna be that friend who constantly brings their sadness unto others … when i talk too much i constantly get told to shut up or why am i extra . the thing is i talk too much because i feel like thats the only way i dont shut anyone out but when i get told that i instantly distance myself from the world … people keep reminding me how i gain alot of weight (147) and i feel like i get judge for it because i always wanted to not be so skinny … but hey i’m going to the gym to get back down to size i guess;) … who would of thought i would become so depress for the past years and now… sometimes i just think about the times i try to overdose on pills and i was wondering why i didnt die right away …i constantly let people hurt me so i can feel that affection that i never got as a kid … people think im so mean and rude but tbh i wasn’t always like this and i wish i wasn’t like this at all…

btw thanks for all the kind words from you guys for the past couple months & oh its been 1 yr since i joined this site slight_smile: & im offically a senior in HS #classof22 … just one more yr…

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My advice is to maybe try and start a new hobby. You said you started going to the gym so that could also maybe get you into sports like tennis or just some good outdoor activities like hiking. Of course if you aren’t interested in those types of hobbies there’s thing like painting and drawing which is easy to do, cheap, and overall you can pour your emotions into the canvas/paper (it helped me get out of a tough spot). But either way it’s all up to on what you want to do and I hope you can find something that makes you happy!

P.S: Oh and with how people think your mean/rude I’d say when you meet people you could maybe tell them that you just have a hard time when conveying your emotions so if you do come of as kinda rude or whatever that they shouldn’t take it personally and you don’t mean to act/seem like that. But, hope you figure your stuff and hope this helps a little aodifjdsjsj :+1: