7 years ago i cheated on my partner, who is now my fiance, with my Ex. I was a stupid kid stuck with a toxic boyfriend and my fiance helped me out of it..
I still blame myself for every little bad thing that happens between me and my fiance. Majority of the time i feel that i don't deserve to get upset at my fiance, that i don't deserve to be happy for what i did, even if he says it's in the past.
There are time where i cry myself to sleep thinking that i don't deserve to be with a guy like my fiance, that he should leave me for someone better.
It took a long time to gain his trust again, i didn't want to hurt him again, i don't want to be a disappointment. I love him so much for understanding that under the bad influence of my Ex who i was able to get away with a lot of bad things. I love my fiance so much for staying with me even for the stupid shit I've done to him; i still cant forgive myself for it.
I've tried my best to forget the past, to forget what i did so long ago, but i hate myself for it so much. I keep thinking that every little argument or bad day we have is my fault.
I want to make him happy, even if it was so long ago i want to somehow learn to forgive my stupid self.
I don't want to lose him.. but not being able to forgive myself hurts me everyday, knowing i don't deserve my a guy like my fiance. I was thinking that perhaps i could leave him in hope that he finds someone better and for me to stop punishing myself for the past, but i love him so much for making me a better person. I know i don't deserve him.
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first of all hello and welcome
thanks for sharing your feelings
when you talk about it openly and so brave it means you have gotten over it already
we all make mistakes
you said you were a kid and kids grow up look at you ,are you the same person ?
you have grown up became a good person you are in love ,you love him and he loves you what is better than that ?
mistakes are part of growing up
he has no problem with what happened , you are getting along well
so let it go
past is gone
did you ever repeat the same mistake toward him ?
no so you see, you learned a lesson and trust me he has understood the situation you trusted each other again which means love
blaming yourself for what has happened won’t do anything, be proud of yourself
thousends of people cheat on their loved ones and act like nothing has happened you are so commited and so responsible
but you don’t need to carry this with yourself
you are not defined by your mistakes
you made mistake got a chance and used it you have proved your honesty
he is a lucky man though …
and the last thing a realatoinship is something mutual if an argument happens TOW adults are involved not only you
this feeling can end up a serious problem along your relationship because after a priod of time your feeling will pass to him and you both start beliving that what ever goes wrong is your fault
and you lose your love and your life so i am trying to rich to this point that your inside feeling is so important and you need to get over it likely asking for a counseler’s help
you will be great
wish you best
take care and welcome again