Want to disappear or something

I have no idea what to do with my life anymore and things keep getting worse day by day. Everyday is the same and nothing seems to get better.
I get really strong urges to drink and its gotten out of control to the point where I have blown almost all the money I earned working over the Summer, I am too scared to tell my parents since I shouldn’t have done this in the first place and it was really stupid of me to let myself spiral in to addiction and I am pretty sure I will receive the “treatment” from my parents if they find out.
Everyday is the same, it starts with me crying and ends with me crying. My mum doesn’t listen to what I have to say and that’s straining my relationship with her. I admit part of the problem is due to me also because like I am failing to properly convey my thoughts to her but she should make some efforts too.
I miss my sister so much and I try to talk to her everyday but she doesn’t respond much. I can understand she is busy with college and job but I am pretty sure it doesn’t take more than half a minute to respond to my texts or take 5 minutes off her schedule to call and ask me how I am doing. It’s just so unfair. I don’t want anything to do with these people now, they treat me like garbage.
I want to get out of this place, I can’t take it. I want help and I want to get it desperately but I am not getting it which is unfair.

PS: I am sorry for whining so much and keeping the post so long.

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First of all, don’t apologize! We are here to support you :slight_smile: Its okay, we all struggle. It sounds like you are in a difficult position. Please know you are not alone. Lots of people struggle with addictions. Life is hard. People are desperate to find ways to cope. I think the best thing for you to do may be to tell your parents. I am sure you don’t want to but you said they probably would make you get treatment, at the bottom of the post you said you wanted to get help and get better. Treatment is probably that first step you need. It may not be easy but im sure it is very worth it. If you cannot get professional treatment try healthy coping mechanisms like hanging out with friends when you aren’t doing well, taking a walk outside, doing art, writing, etc. It can get better for you. You are loved. Hold fast

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thanks for the support, it means a lot. Regarding “treatment” i meant that my parents would probably give a (physical) punishment to me if they find out but other than that, you are right about getting help, it would be nice to get professional help for my mental health issues and get out of this addiction.

I am very sorry about that:/ even if you cannot get professionally still try to seek helpful recourses & healthy coping mechanisms like I said. For me, I have severe anxiety, depression & have struggled with a self harm addiction all the while my parents wouldn’t help me. I understand how frustrating & defeating it may seem but you can get better even through the trial of not being able to get help.

Hey @bluelotus , @taylorpalmby dedicated a song to you on the live stream! Here’s the live video

Hold Fast

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@taylorpalmby
that song was beautiful and it really helped to know that people understand how I am feeling even if my own family doesn’t. thanks a lot

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Sending love to you friend <3

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