today is my birthday and i might kill myself today i could’ve likely pulled trigger if i had a gun rn
I hope this note finds you in time. I hope this is just talk.
I know what it’s like to think that suicide is the only positive option out of things.
About 7 months ago I was suicidal and was even taking steps to take action. A few months prior I hit literal rock bottom.
That I had tested how long I could choke myself and cut the blood flow off to my brain long enough to end it.
Turns out I couldn’t even do that.
I reached out for help, much like what you are doing with this post.
I was convinced to call a suicide hotline, which actually terrified me.
They provided me resources and things to do in the immediate future as well as asking for people to contact to ensure this wasn’t an isolated thing.
Amazing people came to my support and offered a light to guide me out of that darkness.
It woke me up to what it was doing to my family, to my friends and to others who had to bare witness. It was breaking people’s hearts.
People that cared.
I ended up consoling with my family and found myself being brutally honest about wanting to commit suicide. I always kept this kind of stuff to myself (“don’t be a pussy, man up kind” of thinking)
To my surprise they dropped everything and even rallied some of their friends.
With their support I was able to start getting back onto my feet and then BAM…
I was given an opportunity to live an amazing life doing something I love while helping people and giving back.
It’s been a process that’s still going, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long while… non suicidal.
It was as if God, The Universe, Allah, Great Spaghetti Monster put me through hell in order for me to truly appreciate the unfolding and forever emerging gift that life is.
I share this with you because I don’t want anyone else to have to experience or feel what I did when I went through times like that and told no one.
I want you to know that there are better days coming. Go within and connect to higher self and step into the process that unfolds.
Dante Alighieri famously wrote that, “The surest path to Heaven is through Hell.” Don’t be afraid to walk through the inferno, as what is on the other side is what you deserve.
It’s moments in our life like this that we look back to and are thankful for how strong it made us.
Stay strong my friend. Find beauty in something, even the mundane. Continue reaching out for help. Know you’re not alone. Take it one day at a time.
You can make it to the sunrise…
I’m glad you don’t have a gun! Take a deep breath. Feel loved. Call a hotline. There are other ways to manage and diminish pain. Let yourself be cared for. You deserve it.
thank you for reaching out again.
often it seems that this is the only way out. the easiest way out of everything.
but is it really ? what then ? people who do not know every circumstances in your life, can’t really know how
you feel, i know that. thinking of this so called solution, brought myself also countless hours of not sleeping.
to lift yourself up while being stuck in hole is difficult, often seemed as impossible for me.
doing a post like this, is a form of an outreach. that is strong and brave.
be aware, there are people who care about you ! you might not see it, you might not feel it. but they are there.
you will be missed. they have to suffer their whole life with the fact, that you are not even there anymore.
stay in touch, speak about your worries, issues and toughts. try to maybe consider help from a professional.
a self help group might help.
you are stronger that you might feel right now, you are loved, even if you don’t feel or see it.
life is more then a easy way to the end. life is a journey with ups and downs. too many ups and too
many downs. life is unfair often, life drains your energy. but also life can be blooming and beautiful. if you
want it, and if you want to see it. treat others like you want to be treated, you will notice there are good people
around you. better days and better times are lying in front of you. you are journeying through your life,
like all of us, we all have times of lost navigation through it. but you will do good. you will come out stronger.
you matter most my friend, you are loved and you deserve all the good things this life, our only life has to
offer. feel hugged
i simply accept that i ain’t the one to be happy and accept an unhappy life bc no matter how better life gets from now on, i’ll never get over all em traumas and never trully be happy ever it’s too late for that. i ain’t got the slightest naivety left in me to be happy
my life has been all about nothing but inferno. i don’t want a happy life that only comes after having half of my life wasted in misery. it’s too late for everything. too fucking late to be happy ever. i’m done. my life is over and that’s that
I’m sorry that things are so very unhappy and painful right now. I wish we could magically take that away from you. I wish I could tell you the magic solution to make it better. When we’re in the middle of our worse pain, that’s it, that’s the reality, that’s all there is.
You’re 21 (Happpy birthday!!), the last few years have been hell for you, right? That is heartbreaking when we see someone having to fight to make it to a new day. BUT your life is not wasted or over. There’s so much more to life that you have to experience. It can get better, I know therapy has not been helpful because you met one who seemed to not mesh with you. But there are others out there, there is meditation/mindfulness/yoga things that make you use your body is a new way, that gives the mind a break and a way to just breathe and have a moment.
It’s not too late. You’re here with us, and I’m glad that you’re talking with us. There have been others who have struggled so hard, just as you are right now, and have made it through. It’s hard to have to go through it alone, and we’re here now, you NEVER have to go through this pain alone again. We may not know the specifics of your situation, (that’s not needed), but we see your pain, and we understand it, and we’re here to help you however we can.
When we grow up with so much pain, it affects how we see the world. But there are other ways, other realities than just pain and more pain. Stay with us, keep trying to connect with those who can help you through this - talk to your friends, your family (if they will be helpful), go to a hospital or call hotlines. 'you’re not alone friend, I know it feels that way, but you have all of us with you.
It can get better. You’ve lived through the hard bits, please stay with us, work through it, and after a while, you’ll be able to see the other side of such a hard life when things feel better, and a bit easier. You’re doing the hard work now. Keep trying, it will pay off, reach out to those who can help you through this.
You matter so much, genuinely. And we all care about you and your safety .
I think, honestly, that you should reach out to a crisis line about these feelings you have. Since you can’t get in touch with therapy at this moment, it might be your best option since they’re usually free to get ahold of. :(( I’m sorry I can’t provide more, but everyone else’s insights are the same as I would have said. Hoping for the best. <3
You’ve been on my mind a lot lately - I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing…
I also want to share with you a man named Victor Frankl. In short, the guy was a Jew during the holocaust and experienced his entire family be murdered by the Nazi’s. While he was in Auschwitz he also went through the definition of hell on earth.
In short, he saw when his fellow jews gave up spiritually and mentally that they would die within 48 hours.
He endured the hardship, though - and walked through the inferno. He left a legacy for people like you and me who go through these terribly dark times.
I hope you see something in this mans story that inspires you to keep going and to transform your anger into an endearing love for life.
Stay Steadfast my friend.