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Warped Tour Fan #162

recently came out to my mom as bisexual & she reacted in a way i never thought she would. she told me that she doesnt support my decision & that she would pretend i never told her anything & that she would just pretend everything was as it was before i told her, everything she said was just … so cold. her reaction completely broke me. i always considered her to be someone i could tell everything to & just hearing her say all those insensitive things to me hurt. i cried for hours, i didnt sleep well & just kept trying to distract myself by listening to music. i actually kept listening to Parents by Yungblud & it really helped, especially the lyric " it’s alright, we’ll survive because parents aint always right " & i honestly wanted to get dom to write the first half of that lyric down for me so i could get it tattooed but i didnt have time or words to tell him at warped tour what he truly meant to me & what he’s actually done for me. but i cant help but think about all of the things she’s told me, it just replays in my head, i know now i can never be 100% myself because she cant support me.

I love your honesty and courage. There are so many reactions that I gave as a mom that I wish I could rewind and do better. Yes, parents ain’t always right. You know this to be true in your heart, so keep being true to yourself. Receiving insensitive words feels like deep wounds - especially from those we love and trust the most. Try to give lots of grace for the time it will take for your mom to process what your choices are. Emotions and reactions can erupt and switch so often, and it has more to do with them and their fears. I know that sounds cliche’, but it is so true! Be true to yourself, and keep walking in honesty, courage, and love.

Dang, this is so brutal…I’m so sorry that happened…to feel like you had this huge wave of courage you had to muster in order to open up and then to get totally stabbed in the chest with her rejection…it felt like a total betrayal of your trust in her, to feel like you could have told her anything and then for this to happen feels devastating…it’s just devastating…moving forward it’s like – okay if my mom isn’t going to accept me this way, what is it that I can even trust her with? It’s like there’s this immediate wall that just shot up between the two of you…and you fear not being able to lean on her in moments when you need it…because she was so much of your support…I’m so sorry man…

My brother came out as gay when we were growing up, and my brother-in-law recently came out as bi to my in-laws…it’s been interesting to watch how they responded…to hear their thought processes behind their reactions…It’s super hard for parents to get it “right”, because there’s just SO MUCH sensitivity with sexuality…“coming out” is such a huge moment for so many in the LGBTQ community, and it feels like such a sensitive topic for you, but it’s also a sensitive topic for them, and more often than not the response leaves both wishing it would have gone better…what I do know is that most of the times, parents just do the best they can…you coming out has so much less to do with the way your mom feels about you and more to do with how she feels about herself…how she handles uncertainty, how she handles not being in control, how she handles surprise, etc…however she acts moving forward, I hope to offer the perspective that this doesn’t reflect as much of your value as it might feel…you are still just as worthy of love and acceptance as you were before…this is the first time your mom’s ever been a mom of a (insert your age here) year old, and it’s the first time she’s ever been a mom of a (insert your age here) year old who came out as bisexual – right? She’s got no clue, this is total uncharted territory. Just doin the best she can…and it doesn’t mean anything about who you are or what you’re worth…you’re still worthy…still worthy.

Hoping for reconciliation and trust to be restored and moreover for your self-worth to be protected.
Love you friend.
-Nate

I’m so sorry. That’s horrible, you don’t deserve that at all.
Just because your mother said this, doesn’t mean that you can’t be yourself. I live in an abusive household, and they don’t support me with my depression and anxiety at all, I have to pretend to be something I’m not and it hurts.
If she doesn’t want to accept it, then so be it. It’s going to hurt - that won’t change. But, reach out to the friends or other family you have that you KNOW will accept you. Come to our discord/twitch streams to a place where you’ll be accepted no matter what. Allow her to keep supporting you however she has been. You can love someone, but hate what they do. I think that’s the case here.
Carry on doing what makes you happy. Love whoever you want. It’s your life, not your mothers.

While I was writing this response, a song that I found recently and have had on nearly everyday since started to play and I feel like it wasn’t a coincidence. I think I was supposed to send this to you because, well… If you listen to it, you’ll understand. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaOExJJa_YA

Hold Fast
Kayla