I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the song all fucked up by the amity affliction? He says “when I wake up I’m thankful I slept through the night… Because that’s the only time I feel alright. I keep my eyes closed so I can sleep the sadness away because when I wake up tomorrow I know that it won’t be the same.” And I really feel that. I’m not okay. Some days I can’t speak because the anxiety gets so fucking bad man. I HATE THIS. The pain… It becomes physical. My muscles ache. I space out. I don’t want to move. Whats wrong with me? Sometimes it feels like my thoughts are so fast that life is in slow motion… Is this normal? I don’t want attention. I just want to disappear.
This season of pain will end! You are doing the right thing by venting out what you are feeling. Breathe and know that it is entirely normal to feel overwhelmed. If this is a song you can relate to when in pain, focus your mind on songs that tell you the truth - you are strong, you are valued, you are unique, you have a great purpose… all of this pain is equipping you for something incredibly important in your future. Hold fast!
I totally get this – totally normal. To feel like there’s so much pain all around you, to feel like you can’t figure it out, to feel like your mind is constantly racing to protect yourself or to avoid certain situations or to try to make sense out of what the hell is going on, to feel like you experience anxiety and dread today about how bad tomorrow is going to be…yeah dude. 100% normal…I experienced a lot of similar stuff myself. I mean to relate to tell you – you’re definitely not alone.
And also, I want to offer some hope – it’s not where I’m at today! My mind doesn’t feel as crazy, I don’t dread my days, I actually enjoy them…there’s so much different in who I am and how I feel about life between today and a decade ago. I believe the same can be true for you…It’s okay to not be okay, but you don’t have to stay that way.
I think the first thing that really started to help me was getting help understanding what was actually going on…because you’re not crazy…when I first realized that the pain I was experience was all based in personal logic, I feel like I started to stop feeling like I was going to explode from the uncertainty…also, when you understand yourself, you’re able to see the path out much more clearly than when you have no idea what’s going on.
Counseling helped. Recovery groups helped. Mentors helped. Caring friends / community helped. Church / faith helped. Moral of the story was I couldn’t do it by myself. If you’re suffering silently, then it’s so much easier to stay in that pit. But if you step out (steps like this one, talking about your problems), you’re going to find people who can help you make sense of your pain and your story, and you’ll start to feel the confidence of clarity boost your ability to handle the things that hit you in life.
Thanks for writing in…you’re not alone, and you’re not without hope…don’t do this alone!!
-Nate
Thanks for sharing.
This is totally normal to experiences. When depression/anxiety hits, it really can physically affect us in different ways. Honestly, I’ve personally experienced those things you mention, today included. I just couldn’t bring myself to move - everything ached and felt so heavy.
It does get easier, but, with work. Some days will be good, some will be bad and I want you to know that, even through all of this, you have a community here that will love you and support you relentlessly, and help to pick you up in the moments you’re down.
You don’t have to live in this forever - the pain will end. I was dealing with this intense depression for 12+ years. Now, it only maybe lasts a day or so, if that. But, I have more good days… I’m still working on my recovery.
I think looking into Dwarf Planet, a workbook on depression that HeartSupport developed could be ideal for you. You can purchase it on amazon, or, if you can’t afford it, you can get it free through the website.
Remember. You are loved. You are important. The pain will end.
Hold Fast
Kayla
When my anxiety gets really bad I space out. Like I can’t focus on anything and my breathing gets all out of whack. And other times I don’t feel like I can move or speak or eat. What you are talking about sounds like an anxiety attack and while they are awful to go through and they hurt, it is normal. What happens is that your body goes into fight or flight mode meaning that your body is only supplying blood to your vital organs. So, since the rest of your body isn’t getting a good amount of blood they hurt or they feel like they are aching. And your brain runs super fast because it is trying to tell your body “DANGER!” “DANGER!”. It sucks though. Like, why do our brains do this? I am not sure why, but I can tell you that you are not alone. The hurt that you are feeling is temporary and that you will be okay. Reach out to people and know that you are not weird or crazy or any of that. You are hurting, but you will be ok. We are here for you.
This is completely normal. I’ve been through this myself. Try to understand where this anxiety comes from. The first step is talking and that’s what you did. You came here. We’ll keep you safe here. You could try planning as a way to cope with anxiety. Plan a day out down to what you will eat and where. It tends to help to look ahead. While you’re having fun, have fun. Anxiety is fear of the unknown to come. You could plug-in and listen to a certain song to calm you down. You could get a stuffed animal and hug it. Close your eyes and let the thoughts run because you’ll always come back down.