Warped Tour Fan #170

I hate my father and I can’t tell him. I have an obsession with my boyfriend and I wish I didn’t.

Man, it’s got to suck to feel like two of the closest people in the world either cause you pain or cause you disconnection…to feel like you’re living a lie with both of them…a lie with your dad because you hate him and can’t let your feelings be known, and a lie with your boyfriend because you feel like your feelings are too much and are inappropriate…you feel lost and disconnected with both, and they’re two of the biggest presences in your life…that’s got to be incredibly isolating, to feel like you’re with people but so alone on the inside…it can be some of the deepest loneliness for people to see and assume that you feel connected and actually are feeling completely empty underneath it all…I’m so sorry that you’re going through that, friend.

I can’t imagine how hard it must be to feel like disconnected from 2 people who have such a part in your life. I can see how this could be frustrating and difficult.
I feel like, these 2 things play hand in hand with each other, personally, I haven’t got a great relationship with my dad, and as a result, the men who do care abut me in my life, I have become very attached too. You’re not on your own with these feelings, honestly, it’s a normal thing to feel. I would encourage you to speak to your boyfriend and work on some boundaries together, it’ll be healthy for you both.
I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, but, you’re not alone. You’re loved.

Hold Fast
Kayla

Hey there,

I’m so sorry that you’re in this place friend. Our fathers have some kind of weird power over us that other people don’t right? It’s like they hold our image and worth in their hands, and can emotionally cripple us if they want to. We desire their approval and sometimes also hate them like you say. I hear you and am sorry that you’re here. I want to encourage you as well to confront your feelings/emotions and see what they mean. I have absolute confidence that you can wrestle with your issues to find resolution and hope you do!