This sounds incredibly painful. I’m sure it is frustrating to not be able to even find peace in your sleep and in your dreams.
I hear your fear about feeling useless and afraid. It must feel paralyzing to not be able to change your situation, but that does not mean that you are useless. The truth is that you are trying your best, and you are learning to manage these feelings to the best of your ability. I’m sorry you are missing the people you care about. I hope that you can reach out to new people and find people around you to make you feel supported.
Thank you so much for bravely sharing what is on your heart.
Nightmares always scared. They are based on fears. I don’t know what fears you had, but I believe you will overcome them. Cherish the memories you had with the ones you love. They will always be important to you.
I am so so sorry you are going through this. It can feel so paralyzing and scary and like things won’t get better. But I just want you to know that we are here for you. Keep opening up and reach out when life feels too dark. We are here for you. Hold fast.