So… I’ve been really confused the past day. I was at the Gilroy Garlic festival - and there was a shooting.
My roommate and I were there when it started, but we were able to leave before we realized what was happening. It wasn’t until later when we found out that we were so close to it that we both felt a little shaken and panicked.
I’ve spent today realizing the closest comparable thing to my confusion is survivor’s guilt. My roommate doesn’t feel this - she just feels a little shaken.
For me, I KNOW that it turned out for the better. I KNOW that us being able to leave there was good. But it doesn’t change how I feel. And it doesn’t stop me from asking what if’s.
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Survivor’s guilt is a very intense and tricky thing to go through. What you’re feeling is NOT selfish… Sometimes I might feel that way, it depends on each person. It’s super important to talk with people about this and not bottle it in. There are 2 things I would do if I were you and I have never been in this situation so this could change if I ever were. If I were you I would see a therapist and talk to them about how you’re feeling after this, I can’t imagine what this would feel like so talking to someone professionally trained would help a lot. If I were you I would talk about your experiences and make something out of them, whether it be becoming an activist, sharing your experiences to help other people, or growing garlic.
This can take time, and lots of it. This world is small and time here is short. You’re significant and you matter here. The fact you are able to share this is incredible to me.
We’ll always be here for you so don’t hesitate to come back and talk on the forum, friend.
Hold fast.
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Shit man, Im sorry through such a fuck up situation. No matter, any situation like that would mess with you minds. Obviously, cant help the way you feel and mostly normal reaction. If you can maybe talk to therpist. On the other hand, you not the one to blame. Regardness even you werent there, it still would have happen. So no need to blame yourself.
Most of important its a good thing that you are talking to about. I do feel the two main reason there shooting happen is more access to gun and I think important here is mental health. Anyone that is willing to kill in pubic place is not mentallly healtly, and whatever it anger and saddness. Also this country does not provibe a healthy enviroment. Overall, it good that we talking about because, people need to hear about this and maybe possible could influnce someone in power to make the nessacry change to stop more shooting.
One one I will say that im glad you and roomate were able to get out safely. Your lives are important!
I’m sorry you are going through this season of trauma. I don’t understand what you are feeling, but I’m glad you are here to share your struggle with this community. You are not alone.
Hey everyone. I posted sent this as a text and actually didn’t realize it would go onto a forum. After I had found out, I made an account because I wanted to be sure that I can respond and give updates on my thoughts and thank everyone who responded.
It’s been about two weeks now, and I’ve actually been on a work trip out of town. It’s been helpful for me to keep my mind off things and just be out of town and not in my own bed. I mostly haven’t been sleeping well still, and I still need to find a therapist (Which has been hard since I’ve been out of town).
I have come to realize that I should take this as a motivational experience though. To understand the fragility of life and to really Live every day. Especially live for those who didn’t. I still don’t understand how my brain is coping and will hopefully find a therapist soon. But, I want to own the event - and keep it as a reminder to truly Live every day.
I keep a ticket of the garlic festival in my wallet now, and on the back I wrote some of the love-filled words that I saw on this forum. I just wanted to say thanks, and will give more updates as time goes on. Because I know things will be better.
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