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Was I created for pain?

Okay, so let me throw some backstory out there. I grew up in the Bible Belt, so most of my life I was a regular attendee at church. When I hit high school, I came to the realization that I was gay. Since then, for the past fifteen years, I’ve lived my life with a living war inside me. On one side, I just want to be me, and on the other, I feel like a disgusting creature that isn’t worthy of love thanks to my raising. I’ve walked this road alone, because in my head, I feel like I can’t truly love anyone because I haven’t been able to truly love myself. And, it seems unfair to anyone I’m with, they’ll never meet my family, they’ll be compartmentalized into a box like most aspects of my life. I just hit my thirties, and honestly, I don’t know if I can make it another decade on my own. I tried to reach out to a professional, the first ceased communications when I mentioned I was gay, and the second couldn’t be bothered to show up for the appointment. Am I wrong in thinking that I’m beyond saving? Is my life some kind of universal joke? Is this what it’s gonna be for the rest of my life? Where can I go from here?

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Hello wow!!! I am so sorry if anyone looked down upon you or neglected you because you are gay. Sorry to say this but people will fail you, which is shown in your experiences listed above. Only God has the right to judge, and let me tell you this that you are worth saving!!! Your sins are no higher or lower than anyone else and we all sin. Jesus loves you and I know part of the reason why you are disgusted with yourself, is because you are no longer committed in faith to the Lord. Come back to faith talk to God who loves you soo mcuh and will take you in with loving arms. With God you are never alone and come to him and repent. He will help with any changes in your life you need to make and he will help you to love yourself and find your God given purpose!

Hey @forgotmyname. Thank you for sharing your story on here. I’m glad that you reached out.

I’m sorry that you feel as if you are unworthy of love. Everyone is worthy of love. Your sexual preference doesn’t make you into a disgusting creature. I understand that you have difficulty with this because of your upbringing, but despite what people say about anyone who is “different,” the bible tells you to love everyone, no matter what. It may not say it in those specific words, or straight out in that way, but that is what it comes down to. God is supposed to be love, not disgust or hatred or fear.

People sometimes hate things they don’t understand, things they are scared of, and they spread it around and make the hate normal. It causes lots of pain, to lots of people, and that sucks. But not everyone is like that. Not everyone hates gay people. You might have to search a bit, but there are many, many places out there where you will be accepted for who you are.

You don’t need to answer this. Do your parents know your gay? Because if they can’t accept that, to be honest, then I think they don’t deserve to meet anyone who you may spend your life with. It sounds like your family is important to you, but you have to live your life to make you happy.

I don’t understand why the professional stopped seeing you when you said you’re gay, but I think you should keep looking for someone else to see. If he or she stopped seeing you just because of that, then I say good, because he or she wouldn’t have given you the treatment you need. You wouldn’t have gotten the best, and that’s what you deserve, is to get the best. Most people have trouble finding a professional who they connect with, so don’t feel bad that it didn’t work out.

You were not created for pain. You were created to love and to be loved.

~Daisy :hearts:

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