I finally gathered up the courage to tell my closest friend about me self-harming. I just wanted to tell someone about it, I trust deeply. But she looked at me, like she was angry at me and said ‘stop doing that shit’, in a really pissed tone? I really regret telling her now and I feel like crying.
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She was probably processing the news and hated seeing you hurting but didn’t know how to respond. I know how hard it is to stop. Being told to stop and actually being able to are 2 completely different things.
Maybe she will never understand…
Please keep looking for someone you can confide in who understands and wants to support you.
I’m here. Heartsupport community is here. I support you. Hold fast we believe in you.
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One of my friends confided in her mom (whom she thought was the closest being ever to her) that she was self-harming (not cutting, instead she was putting a fist onto her belly and pulling it in as strong as she could. Her mother was so angry she started yelling at her, saying things like: “how dare you do this kind of thing?”
In these situations, people tend to not know how to react and some just react without putting any filter to their mixed emotions and say everything they feel at once. They don’t tend to mean that at all, but they say it in the moment because of the shock received from the news. Your friend probably didn’t know how to communicate her feelings better, due to a lack of emotional intelligence, which most people on the earth lack. Ask her why she was saying something like this to you, say that it really hurt you and your mental health can’t handle such harsh words right now. Being direct and open about your feelings will help you in your current relationships, your future ones and the most important one, the relationship you have with yourself. Much love
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Most people dont know how to react so they overreact in my opinion but i think its great that you are opening up, its a good start
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You can be proud of yourself for reaching out to your friend, despite their reaction. Reaching out is something that you can control, but you can’t predict your friends reaction. I’m sorry their response wasn’t more understanding though. As our friends said here, sometimes people want the best for us but don’t really know how to say it. Your friend will probably need some time to process this news as well and, maybe, educate themselves about this subject, as there can be a lot of misconceptions and stigmas around this.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Actually, what you did was incredibly brave and precious. Not everyone is able to hear or understand what it implies to struggle with self-harm. But it’s not your fault. You are also learning to create a safety net for yourself, with safe people around you. If you feel like this is a communication issue, maybe it could be interesting to try to express your needs when you try to interact with them. For example, saying that you need them to listen without any judgment. But if this is beyond their own limits, or if they don’t want to try, then they’re not the right person to discuss about this - and that’s okay too. There are people out there who understand or are willing to try. People who want to support you with the respect you deserve and the love you need. You are not alone.
Just to let you know, HeartSupport has a workbook about self-harm. I’ve been reading it with a friend for the past couple of months, and the subject of stigmas is largerly explained in it. There are also chapters dedicated to people who know someone who harm themselves and are willing to help. Another chapter gives some tools to communicate with each other when trying to discuss about self-harm as a coping mechanism. Maybe this could be an interesting resource for you and your friend - and in any case, for you as a way to work on this, if that’s something you’d like. You can get more informations about the book here: heartsupport.com/resources and here: https://forum.heartsupport.com/tags/c/growth/61/rewrite
I understand that you felt some regrets for reaching out. But despite your friends reaction, know that reaching out is always a victory to celebrate. Just because isolation, shame and guilt can be so destructive. We are proud of you here. 