Hey @lemon,
First off: thank you so much for caring about this child the way you do. They don’t realize it yet, but you truly are a guardian angel to them. It breaks my heart that you had to go through the pain of being sexually assaulted. Yet in the present time, you have the strength to do the right thing and try to protect someone. It’s incredibly inspiring, courageous. You have all my respect for daring to step in and use your voice to serve something that is right.
Regarding your aunt, it’s very possible that she’s mad at you. However, I don’t think this should push you to question what motivates you to send this note at first. I’d have second thoughts as well, but, if you try to see things from her side, you can easily understand that this note might have been a shock to her, and she might need to be on her own to process. It’s violent to learn about someone’s awful behavior, someone we know and trust. And it’s also terrible to realize that the story might happen again, and we have a role to play in it.
At this point, she might confront you. Or she could also ignore you and stay in some kind of denial. Those are common ways to react in face of an intense discomfort and hurt. My own mom didn’t believe me the first time I reached out to her, as a kid, to explain with my own words that I was sexually abused by someone. Instead, she put the blame on me and accused me to lie. I wasn’t equipped to understand her reaction, and it has put me in a corner of shame, guilt, and silence.
I want to encourage you to keep in mind that NONE of this is your fault. You are NOT guilty of anything. This situation is not caused by you. It is the result of this man’s behavior and what he did to you. You, on your end, are only trying to figure out what is the right thing to do in a very complex situation. Using your voice is an incredible power and strength that you own. For this kid. For you. It is never a mistake to share about a personal trauma, and it’s never a mistake to share about genuine concerns for someone’s safety, especially someone who is vulnerable because of their age or situation.
Through all of this, you need to protect yourself as well and preserve your own emotional safety. Not only the situation brings a lot of stress, but this is also about some deep wounds that you’ve suffered too. You too have a heart to take care of. It’s okay to be scared and anxious. I mean, it absolutely makes sense. Anytime I had to use my voice about this topic for one reason or another, I was so afraid of the outcomes, of being hated, left alone, accused to be a liar or to be seen diferently. Sexual assaults are a painful reality that most people are not ready to face. And unfortunately, survivors are more often than not the ones who have to raise their voice in order to do what is right, which is truly unfair.
The current circumstances are objectively heavy. But you are not alone, okay? You have us right here to encourage you, even if we are not physically there with you.
Is there anyone in your life who is aware of the situation? Someone you could rely one during this difficult time? Just to have a space to speak, share your heart, your fears, your concerns. If not, it might be good to consider seeing a counselor as well, if you’d be okay with it. Just to have a safe space that is yours entirely, and times to reflect on your option with the help of someone, on a regular basis.
You are not alone. You are doing the right thing. You’ll be okay and you are safe right now. If chaos there is, then it wouldn’t be the result of your actions. And we’ll keep reminding it to you as long as you need.
I’m rooting for you. 