We are on our 1st break and im scared, her mom hates me, and she doesnt know how to feel

Today me and my girlfriend (for almost a year in a few weeks), are on our first break. she had gotten high for the first time ever at the beginning of july this year and she had sent me explicit pictures, i reciprocated them, and when she was high still high she couldn’t control what she said and told her what happened, i called her mom two days ago to try and apologize but she doesn’t like me at all now, im sure she hates me, me and my gf just had our 1st ever break too and its almost our 1yr anniversary, idk what to do… i want to repair the relationship with her mom, i want to be able to do everything i want us to do on our anniversary but idk if my gf even wants to have an anniversary now, idk if she feels like trying to celebrate such a milestone together is even worth it for fear her mother and father will prevent me from taking her, i dont want to lose her… i just want to see her outside of work again… ive been taking 5-6 ibuprofen to help numb myself since yesterday and the day before the only thing i had on my mind was making up for my mistake and wanting to take my own life, i had written several paragraphs to my friends, my gf and my gf’s mom, apologizing for them having to deal with me in their lives, apologizing for everything i feel is my fault, i had my phone in my hand while i was on the roof of my house trying to work myself up to fall… but i couldnt do it- i want to live but i hate my life almost all the time; the only times im happy is when im with my gf or my friends, nothing else makes me happy or feel better, i just want to see her outside of work again… i dont care if its only for an hour i just want to see her again, if anyone has any thoughts or ideas to try and help me fix things with my gf and her mom please please help me.
sorry for the long read-

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Hey there @Mist

Sounds like you have been working very hard to mend issues with your girlfrend and her mother. I can really appreciate how much you care about her. I know you want to make it better so I would advise a few things to start.

I recommend you write out an apology letter so you can get your thoughts straight and write out in a tangible way that what happened was a mistake for you two and that you wouldn’t want anything bad to happen again. You could give it to her mom in person and tell her how much it means to you to make things right.

I think it’s best if you try to avoid abuse of over the counter medicines if you can. They can really make you sick if you take them more than the recommended dose and in the end it doesn’t have any impact on fixing the underlying problems.

I know it hurts right now so I understand if you are just trying to sort your thoughts still. I think you both need time to consider how things will be going forward, so you do need to also honor if she needs time to think as well.

Wishing you the best/Mish

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I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You seem to recognize what went wrong and you’re accepting responsibility for your part. From her mom’s pov, she’s trying to be protective and make sure that nothing bad happens to either of you. A letter is a good idea, but write two. The first to get out all the stuff you feel. The second one would be to her mom (NOT to be given to her mom, this is for you to explore your feelings in depth), where you can express your hurt and regret, but also your hopes for the future with your gf, and all the things you’ve learnt.

It’s a hard lesson you both learnt, but once you can show that you do understand the mistake, and that you’ve learnt from it and intend to do better that should bring you some comfort. Also important is that you respect your gf and her mom if they need some time to work through their own issues, to make their relationship safe and strong as well.

Wishing you well, sad it happened this way, it hurts but things will get better. Please don’t self medicate because that will not be beneficial and it won’t help you mend the distance with your gf and her mom. Relationships are hard because of how much emotions are involved, but hoping things work out for you, and that’s you’re okay.

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I’ve been trying to find a time to talk to her in person (the mom) but it hasn’t worked out so I had to call her and apologize about everything, she doesn’t like me, I’m 99% sure she hates me and the hates the mention of my name- idk what to do about her now because what if she prevents us from spending our 1yr together, I don’t know if I can handle that… also our break is over and we are just trying to focus on eachother so that’s good at least

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Thank you very much but I’m sure if I wrote out a letter to her mom and gave it to my gf (Reagan) she would immediately tear it up all because it was from me, I feel like if I died it would make the mom happy at this point, I’m sure she hates me, I’ve called her mom and tried to apologize that way since we haven’t found a good time in person to talk but that just made things a lot worse I think- I’m scared I’m so fucking scared… me and Reagan are off our break and focusing on eachother but what if the mom prevents us from seeing eachother outside of work- it’s extremely important for us to celebrate our 1yr…

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Hey @Mist

Glad to hear back from you. It’s gotta feel so intimidating. With time things should cool off. I understand how much you want to be with girlfriend too. Try to work it out and try to keep your mind clear so you can be the better person in this situation.

Take care/Mish

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Sometimes we have to change our expectations to make sure we are not disappointed. If a big celebration of the anniversary seems unlikely, and you can’t do the big celebrations you had hoped, could you both have a smaller, more scaled down celebration?
Just an idea here:
Maybe a nice lunch if you can’t see each other outside of work. Marking the occasion is the important part, and making the memories. If you can do lunch at least, it would help ease some of the stress about not seeing each other. It’s better to have a smaller celebration, that’s big on positive emotions and associations than a bigger one that is harder to do due to fear or stress.

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ill try… idk if we can even meet up for that-

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