It feels really weird that I am losing friends as the college is coming to an end. It was the same thing when my school was ending. It feels really weird that is it gonna repeat again in future too? In my job too?
Sometimes I feel like I haven’t got any good friend who understands my situation. I feel like I am always the third wheel in every group. When we all are hanging out in a group its all cool. But whenever I am alone with some friend it gets really awkward. Friends take me out with them just to fill up that extra seat they had for the trip. I feel left out. Its like everybody has that one friend which they choose whenever there is a work for two or a seat by their side. Nobody chooses me. I am always the one who gets left out like a consolation prize.
I’ve had people talk about me on their phones like I’m the most boring person in the world when I’m right there in the same room. It just breaks my heart that I start to feel that maybe I am a boring person and nobody enjoys my company. And the ones that do want to stay they come for their own benefits that I can provide and just leave me hanging after using me. It has come to this point that I really want to live alone at my job so that these things won’t trigger my mind into this endless cycle of hating myself.
When I get treated like shit I make up my mind that next time this person contacts me I won’t help them but whenever they contact again I don’t know I just forget and run to them like an abused dog who still runs back to his owner wagging his tail after getting beaten. It is so hard for me to say NO to people.
I notice everything. I see their change in behavior when I am the only one around and they get bored. I notice how people behave around like I am some kind of burden they are carrying with them. And I still don’t have enough courage to walk away. I just end up staying there with all these thoughts and completely turned off. At this point I only have 1 good friend that I can say is a good friend. But I also notice her how she gets bored when I am the only one around and starts using her phone and it all just breaks my heart. I feel like I have ended up alone just like it happened after school.
Hey, I hear you. I’ve been through the same thing over and over. I quit hanging out with my primary friend group 5 years ago. I figured that if they were concerned, they’d text me. They never did, so that told me everything I needed to know. And you know what? I was okay with that. I was happier in my own company than with fake friends who thought they were doing me a favor by letting me hang out with them. Today I only have a few really good friends, and only 3 of them live locally, but I treasure those friendships. I only see them every couple months, but that’s okay because they’re real. To quote Drake: “Fuck yo’ fake friends, where yo’ real friends at?”
Thankyou. It feels good to just talk it all out here and to know that I am not the only one suffering.
I totally feel this. Friends are always coming to my life and leaving right away. In college I had a core group and then everyone kind of grew apart. I have one friend from college still. We text memes to one another now and then, but nothing too substantial. Other than that I don’t really have anyone that has stuck around me. I just have some people that I feel like I could hang out with out of the blue and it wouldn’t be too weird I guess. I don’t think people really want to put in the work to maintain a close friendship with me. That arms length distance is comfortable for them and maybe it is for me too. I just sometimes want a little more than that.
I understand you. I really hope that it gets better now after college and I find good people at job. Hope it gets better for you too.
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