I’m stuck between being uncomfortable and laughing hysterically. I’m not publicly active and the most I do is make avatars when I’m bored, so I’m unsure of how this guy found me. I suppose it’s of no use to mull over something so meaningless. The interaction went like this:
Him: Want [instead game currency]? I don’t mind spoiling cute girl like you lol
Me: Uh I don’t even know what that is.
Him: Go to Shops then Cash Shop
You like anything there? I’ll get it for you
Me: Why tho.
Him: Because you’re cute and I like you haha
I told him off by messaging back along the lines of, “you do realize I’m not a girl, right?” Whether that is true or not has no vital significance in the end. I found that to be very entertaining in all honesty. He seems to not be interested in me after that, but I did block and report him.
I still feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t expecting to log in one day to “hey cutie (; .” And while I’ll joke about it, I still don’t appreciate being treated in such a way. Like I’m just a cute pixelated face with no morals, thoughts, or emotions. I guess I set myself up for failure again regardless if I keep to myself or not. Whatever.
One of my patients referred to such guys as “barking dogs,” ineffectual as long as they’re behind a fence. Just block 'em and don’t take it personally.
That’s one way to take the wind out of his sails…“you do realize I’m not a girl, right?” (funny!)
I think blocking him was a good move. I’m glad you are smart and realized it wasn’t something to get caught up in. Try not to let it bother you (I can relate-- trying to protect yourself in this world). His fishing scheme failed because you are awesome! Great job. Keep reaching out on HeartSupport whenever you need.
Hey there, @wren_wyn
It’s clear that this situation was an invasion of your personal space, and I’m sorry you had to experience it. When we encounter people who appear to have no regard for boundaries and who treat people as objects rather than actual human beings who feel, think and deserve dignity can be really frustrating. I see no fault from your reaction to the situation, and would’ve reacted in this way myself. You asserted your boundaries clearly, and stood up for yourself, which is most important.
Sadly, it’s unfortunate but not uncommon for some individuals, especially men to feel self-entitled online where they believe they can act without consequences and without respect for the autonomy and feelings of others. This behaviour is unacceptable in every way, and shows a blatant lack of respect or disrespect for basic human decency. Your actions in deciding to block and report send a clear message that nobody should have to tolerate such behaviour, not least young women. You acted positively and ensured your own online safety, which was the right thing to do.
It’s also worth acknowledging the broader societal issues at play here, such as gender norms and expectations that can contribute to this kind of disrespectful behavior. These attitudes can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and reinforce a culture where individuals, particularly women and non-binary individuals, are objectified and devalued. The most important thing to be mindful of is that you are not at fault here. Everybody deserves to exist online without fear of harassment or mistreatment.
Keep on advocating for yourself and setting boundaries!
I guess I set myself up for failure again regardless if I keep to myself or not. Whatever.
No, you haven’t done anything wrong, really. Some days this kind of interaction may just feel insignificant, and other days it can like a truck simply because it’s not the right time to be imposed that kind of interaction. It’s okay if you needed to let this out and share about it here. It’s understandable if it made you uncomfortable, and it’s okay if laughing happens to be a good way to process that! It can be really therapeutic and de-dramatize what affects us personally.
It’s unfortunate that it happens to be so easy to be told that kind of thing, especially online. I hope you can push that away, put it into a place where it doesn’t take space and doesn’t have to bother you anymore. It was disrespectful of them and you are of course not to be subjected to anyone, under any circumstance.
Thank you everyone.
It brought up past emotions, ones my brain has been trying to conceal. I suppose a simpler explanation would be that I was triggered afterwards. In the moment of things, I tend to become numb.
I attempted to be distanced and dismissive. I didn’t want to entertain his fantasy and play along since that would have worsened things. I’m also not a big fan of “free” handouts or sugar daddy relationships. Because then how would have I had to pay him back?
I suppose a positive outcome of this event is that I finally said no for once.
As I mentioned, I make avatars when I’m bored. And while I usually try to stay neutral I can’t help myself but be drawn to what I find cute. And cute things seem to typically be seen as girly. These end up more on the feminine spectrum of things, somewhat embarrassingly, so I can see why there was an assumption made. It’s enjoyable for me, nevertheless. It’s like a form of self expression.
Kind of a side note- There’s two styles I really like: gurokawa and yami kawaii (goth and punk, too, but that’s besides the point). Gurokawa is “creepy cute” while yami kawaii is “sickly cute.” Making something, whether it be a drawing or an avatar, that looks delicate and gentle then defiling it is calming to me. Not necessarily gendered, but feminine esque. It may be the addition of bandages, pink blood, a weapon of some sort, or scratches, but it all makes me feel better. I guess it’s sort of a way to cope since it’s similar to self projection in a way.
A few times my parents have mentioned about me getting a job. It’d probably be at a restaurant, the same as my friend. It came up again today. Whenever it comes up, I feel so stressed out, like right now.
I’ve tried explaining my reason for not waiting to have a job several times, but they still can’t seem to understand. I’m so terrified of someone hurting me again. I’m so scared of someone touching me again. I don’t want to be around adults or my peers or anyone at all. I don’t understand why that isn’t a valid reason. I do not feel safe working right now, I’ve stated that before. I do not feel safe being around people I do not trust. I can’t put myself into a stressful situation where I’m always looking behind my back.
I’m also a very introverted and shy person. I have difficulty talking to anyone, really, and all the jobs that are typical for people my age are social. And I want to focus on school. School is my #1 priority before anything else and they’ve told me the same thing. Having a job would mean I’d have less time to work on school. My thoughts are tangling themselves.
Now my one parent seems almost angry at the fact that I said “no.” Shouldn’t it be my choice to work? I tell them “not right now,” meaning, let me become more comfortable and regain my sense of safety and trust, if that ever happens, before I throw myself into a pit of strangers. But apparently that’s not viable. Ah, now I’m pissing myself off.