Its been really rough lately. I’m spending a WHOLE lot of time in the same room. My social life has fallen appart under social distancing. I’m stressed ALL the time, and I’m dying for friendship. REAL friendship. That said I’m a mess, and I"m tired of having to be someone I’m not . I want to be able to be honest with someone, I want to be able to talk about my struggles, even when they are silly and stupid (most of them are). I’m a mess, I’m a mess of anger, lonlinessless, and sexual tension that I’m just sick to death off. I’m tired of pretending these feelings arn’t here, and don’t exist. I’m tired of it all and just want to be open with someone. Actually if I’m being honest I want to be open with a woman. Ive only ever had one girlfriend, Ive had plenty of friends that were women though, its not like I’m scared to talk to them. I just… I suck at dating, and I feel like I’ll never be wanted as anything more than a friend. Actually i feel like if I was completely myself and didn’t constantly try to hold down all the negativity I wouldn’t even be someone wanted as a friend.
Hey, Waka. Making friends is hard and in my experience is not something that can be forced. However, it is totally possible to make friends online. The way I did it was to find an area of the interwebz that is interesting to me (in my case that’s Twitch/video games/community building), and tossed myself in head first. What are your interests? Are there online communities that you’re aware of that interest you?
As far as being yourself, I’d encourage you to bravely do just that. Will some people feel put off by it? Sure, but that just means they aren’t cut out to be your friend. Move on and find people who are ready, willing and able to accept, love and support you just as you are. Those people DO exist. You just may have to look for a while to find them. You’ll find them faster if you don’t waste time trying to be someone you aren’t in order to please people who you don’t even really want to have as friends.
I’m afraid I can’t offer much of anything in the way of dating advice. I spent most of my adult life single until I met my partner five years ago. I wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship and neither was she. We just “clicked” and after a few months chatting on the internet, we kinda skipped dating and I just moved in with her (moving across the country in order to do so). Maybe some day you’ll find someone like that. Maybe you won’t. But either way, you are still a valuable, worthwhile and lovable person.
As far as the negativity is concerned, maybe if you expressed it instead of “holding it down” it could blow through you and you could learn to release it instead keeping it locked up? I’ve struggled with anger most of my life. I’ve gotten better at coping with it through the years, and a lot of my improvement stems from me letting myself be angry… Inspecting it… Understanding it… Getting through the anger to the other emotions hiding beneath it.
It sounds like this is exactly what you’d like to do, but you just haven’t found anyone you feel safe enough with to express your feelings to. Until you do, I might suggest journaling. Write down those hard feelings, get them out, give them voice. They are real emotions. Real pain. You don’t have to justify your feelings. You can write on paper, or a Word doc on your computer, or you can journal here on HeartSupport. There’s a journal tag you can use.
Anger, loneliness and sexual tension aren’t feelings that are irregular. You aren’t “different” or “shameful” for having them. You’re human. We all experience these feelings at some point or another. Society’s narrative is that these are things we should deal with quietly, by ourselves, without “bothering” anyone. That narrative is WRONG. We all need help and companionship. There is nothing wrong with expressing your thoughts and feelings to other human beings… In fact it can be one of the most cathartic experiences we can have.
If this post resonates with you, and you feel safe and want to do so, you’re more than welcome to private message me. I’ll listen carefully, non-judgmentally for as long as you need, and I can guarantee you that after share who you really are, I’ll be able to tell you honestly that you are a beautiful, lovable person. You are not alone. You are seen. You are heard. You belong.
The main advice I have for anyone looking to make friends or more-than-friends is this: Work on making yourself a complete person, and do the things you love. I find talking to people much easier if we have something in common, which you are much more likely to find if you are in spaces doing things you enjoy. (For instance, if I’m in the forums for a game that I enjoy, the people that I interact with are there because they also enjoy that game usually.)
Also, this came up in my feed after having seen your post, seems like happy coincidence: https://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult/
i mean, I know how to make friends in real life its just ONLINE that I’m trying to figure out. I mean its seemed more dificult to meet people I click with and can be real with lately. Idk maybe its that I’m getting older (27) or something.
27 is half my age and you still have many years to improve yourself and your situation.
Every conversation and new friendship can help you improve your self-confidence and social skills online, which will later translate into even better social skills in real life.