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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Happy? by Mudvayne
Well my first 2 and only relationships I made the mistake of changing myself to try to make them happy. It utterly destroyed me, and I’ve spent the last 7 years trying to put myself back together before ever trying again, and now that I’ve finally become comfortable with being unapologetically who I am, it seems to late to try again, I don’t recognize anything with how the world works now.
Hi Friend, Welcome to Heartsupport, I had to respond to your post as I am so totally with you.
I think many of us change during our first relationships, we want to be the perfect partner, not only do we want to have picked the most wonderful other half, we want them to look on us with pride and never leave. If it didn’t work the first time, try again.
The thing is of course there is nothing wrong with changing for someone as long as you don’t lose your identity in the process and that they also are making changes for you. Its called a partnership for a reason.
I am sorry however that it didn’t work out and even more sorry that you were so hurt by it, that must have been so incredibly difficult. 7 years is a long time however I hope you have found purpose, peace and pleasure in that time, I know some would say it isn’t possible alone but I beg to differ, I very much think being alone can be very fulfilling.
The world indeed has chaged in virtually every way, nothing is how it used to be, dating for one is very different and all that and of course people are different, when things change we chage with them but what doesn’t change is the fundamentals of being a nice human being. I hopt that treating people as you hope to be treated and being honest is not out of fashion.
You may have to adapt to how you meet a person but you no longer have to adapt to be with one. Be you and good luck for the future. Lisa. x
I’m so happy you’ve decided to be who you are! It’s NEVER too late to try again. I made that mistake of changing myself and ended up in the same boat as you, and I didn’t meet my fiance until I was in my early 30s. I’m who I am and she loves me for it. The world doesn’t have a template or a manual. If you want to try again to find someone, do it in a way that you feel comfortable with! That’s how I’ve done it and how many others have! Whether it be online, at concerts, at a coffee shop, you never know. <3
I’m sorry about what you went through with your exes and for all the pain that it caused you. However, I want to really congratulate you because what you did is such an admirable accomplishment. Working on ourselves is not easy to do but you stuck to it and through it until you got yourself where you wanted to be and that is AMAZING. Not everyone is willing or able to invest in themselves so wholesomely, so I am really proud and happy to hear that you did. And dating moving forward will be such a different experience for you because of it (which is only a bonus).
I don’t think it is too late to find love. The dating world is different now but there are still people out there that you’d be compatible with and it only takes meeting one of them. I believe that love is still out there for you and that you deserve it, and will be ready for it when it comes knocking at your door. The dating world has always been a bit of a scary place, but some of the best things in life are on the other side of fear.
Thank you for sharing.
Realizing that it’s not good to follow the path that you were walking on and to make a change is never a mistake. There’s never too late to start again, even if it feels like such a long time, but time has different values for everyone. It’s such a wise decision to wait until you felt ready enough to try again. It might feel scary now in the beginning, but that uncomfortable feeling can get comfortable again, and when you meet the right person, then you will feel it because it will come naturally. Take it with small steps, there is time.
I hope the best for you!
