Went to my first therapy session in a while

[Sapphire]

Edit: I wanted to apologise for not posting as much because I am very empathetic and so when I read all your stories I feel your pain and struggles and it was getting very heavy for me. I still read topics but I need to decompress a little before I jump back into posting in other’s threads.

I finally ‘met’ my therapist last night. I put ‘met’ because it was a virtual appointment since those are free for me through September due to Covid.

She seems pretty nice. She really has a passion for helping people. We did a thing called ‘brain spotting’ which I’ve never heard of before where she moved an object around until it caused any kind of feeling for me and then we just kind of followed that feeling. It seems really out there but I’ve tried lots of things that haven’t worked so I figured I would give it a try.

It was weird because I found myself getting really anxious. My therapist offered to stop or keep going but I chose to keep going because I know that it’s best to ride those waves through until they subside. She said my negative voice likely was a part of myself that is trying to protect me from life, telling me I will fail before I do so I will be ready for it for example, because i guess when it really comes down to it I’d rather hear it from myself than somebody else.

I felt genuinely sad because I feel like if I had taken the time to listen to that voice like she suggested and understand what it needs (in the case of last night’s therapy, I felt that voice needed acknowledgement) rather than vehemently try to force it away as something purely malicious that I may have been able to start healing before. I should have just trusted that this voice is like the rest of my emotions, rather than push it away I need to feel it and examine it so that I can understand why it is happening and start to work through it.

She also gave me a coping technique to help contain my anxiety so it doesn’t become overwhelming, but rather something more capable of being worked through.

It was a good experience for me and I’m glad I did it. I have a new perspective on my inner voice now, and since I am now looking at it as a protector rather than a monster, maybe now I can work on shifting that inner voice to something more positive. We’ll see what happens.

[Micro]

Edit: I wanted to apologise for not posting as much because I am very empathetic and so when I read all your stories I feel your pain and struggles and it was getting very heavy for me. I still read topics but I need to decompress a little before I jump back into posting in other’s threads.

Hey @Sapphire, it’s okay you know. People who respond here are all just giving some time to others. And if there’s something really important while doing this, it’s to allow ourselves to be tuned with how we feel and set boundaries that remain healthy. So no worries, really. Your participation is appreciated so much, but it’s never, never an obligation. I’m empathetic too, and I can tell when reading someone’s story is taking a toll on me and my emotions. Sometimes I have to step back and that’s okay.

It’s definitely a good thing that you’re aware of that too. It’s an important strength that you have. Absolutely no need to apologize for it. It’s actually a healthy example of self-care. You are loved, appreciated, valued beyond what you’re giving here, and just because you are you! - even though your participation is an amazing gift for this community, indeed. Thank you for being here.

We did a thing called ‘brain spotting’ which I’ve never heard of before where she moved an object around until it caused any kind of feeling for me and then we just kind of followed that feeling. It seems really out there but I’ve tried lots of things that haven’t worked so I figured I would give it a try.

Oh gosh, that’s so interesting. And that sounds to be quite challenging. For what it’s worth, I just started therapy (again) too. She practices hypnosis, and I was introduced to some quite interesting ways (at least for me) to be more connected to how we feel but also how we can use our imagination as an effective tool for our well-being. Sorry, it’s a bit off-topic, but both this experience and reading you right now makes me really excited to hear about this journey that’s starting for you!

I have a new perspective on my inner voice now, and since I am now looking at it as a protector rather than a monster, maybe now I can work on shifting that inner voice to something more positive.

Man, that’s powerful, this perspective about your inner voice that has been shifted. Sounds interesting to learn to live with this inner voice in a more peaceful way. I guess… there’s this tendency sometimes that’s about dismissing what we’re experiencing or seeing discomfort as being negative. But we also have primal instincts, fears, that also have a reason to be, and not necessarily a bad one.

Again, super interesting!

I felt genuinely sad because I feel like if I had taken the time to listen to that voice like she suggested and understand what it needs (in the case of last night’s therapy, I felt that voice needed acknowledgement) rather than vehemently try to force it away as something purely malicious that I may have been able to start healing before. I should have just trusted that this voice is like the rest of my emotions, rather than push it away I need to feel it and examine it so that I can understand why it is happening and start to work through it.

I can understand why it makes you sad. Maybe there will be a part of grief in this process, with these new tools and insights. Forgiving yourself for the way you coped before, but also just survived. I’ve started to feel that myself. Lots of sadness coming from nowhere, feeling like, at 27, I’m finally acknowledging the kid I was and is still there in the back of my mind. It’s hard not to dive too much into the “what if…” thoughts. It’s hard not to rewrite our entire life with a new perspective. But I guess it’s normal too. It’s also positive. Maybe a sign of growth.

I’m really grateful that this virtual appointment was a good experience to you. I’m looking forward to a helping and restorative process for you, thanks to this therapy, but more anything thanks to you, the strengths that you have and are just waiting to be acknowledged.

Take care!

[Sapphire]

Thank you, Micro, I always look forward to and appreciate your replies as you always have in depth responses to what you read and I can tell you’re right there with me in spirit. I will you well in your journey also, we can do this.