Edit: I wanted to apologise for not posting as much because I am very empathetic and so when I read all your stories I feel your pain and struggles and it was getting very heavy for me. I still read topics but I need to decompress a little before I jump back into posting in other’s threads.
I finally ‘met’ my therapist last night. I put ‘met’ because it was a virtual appointment since those are free for me through September due to Covid.
She seems pretty nice. She really has a passion for helping people. We did a thing called ‘brain spotting’ which I’ve never heard of before where she moved an object around until it caused any kind of feeling for me and then we just kind of followed that feeling. It seems really out there but I’ve tried lots of things that haven’t worked so I figured I would give it a try.
It was weird because I found myself getting really anxious. My therapist offered to stop or keep going but I chose to keep going because I know that it’s best to ride those waves through until they subside. She said my negative voice likely was a part of myself that is trying to protect me from life, telling me I will fail before I do so I will be ready for it for example, because i guess when it really comes down to it I’d rather hear it from myself than somebody else.
I felt genuinely sad because I feel like if I had taken the time to listen to that voice like she suggested and understand what it needs (in the case of last night’s therapy, I felt that voice needed acknowledgement) rather than vehemently try to force it away as something purely malicious that I may have been able to start healing before. I should have just trusted that this voice is like the rest of my emotions, rather than push it away I need to feel it and examine it so that I can understand why it is happening and start to work through it.
She also gave me a coping technique to help contain my anxiety so it doesn’t become overwhelming, but rather something more capable of being worked through.
It was a good experience for me and I’m glad I did it. I have a new perspective on my inner voice now, and since I am now looking at it as a protector rather than a monster, maybe now I can work on shifting that inner voice to something more positive. We’ll see what happens.