What am I here for

You know, I’m not “Depressed”
well, perhaps I am I don’t know.

Lately, I’m just feeling down, you know that knot in the stomach and in the throat, It’s just I have so many dreams, but I’m so sure they won’t ever come true that just also turns me down.

I also have a problem with my sexuality, I don’t know what I like, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone, I never had true friends, no one talks to me, they just reply, I’m bad with friends, never really had true ones and there is no one I can talk to, I don’t want to go to a psychologist because my family will look at me weird, and change how they treat me, they are sort of tough to me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me I just feel there is no purpose for me, I can’t make my dreams come true, because why? I live in a bad country, where there aren’t many chances to make my dreams come true.

I am 15, I feel like I’m special, I’ve made thousands of dollars in programming and overall do everything right, I got knowledge on many things, but I still didn’t found my purpose or something that makes me happy.

I wouldn’t call it social anxiety, because it’s not, but I suck making friends. sometimes I am blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to.

But I also like to be alone, I don’t like people, it’s just they don’t fit in what I expect, I expect someone like me, and to be honest, there are not many people like me, and everyone that knows me knows that.

I’m scared of talking in public because I feel I screw things up or they will laugh at me like they once did.

I just don’t fit and I don’t think I will anytime soon.

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Hey @ignacasas,

Thank you so much for sharing what’s on your heart and for being here. It sounds like you’ve been going through a rough time, not just lately, and I can help but seeing through all of the things you mentiones that there is something tied to finding your own identity and learning to know yourself better. It’s a scary journey, but a pretty exciting one, as it holds the potential to help you move forward and build some solid foundations in your life.

In my humble opinion, no one fits really. We just learn to adapt and also to find people who allow us to be ourselves. We can’t be entirely ourselves in 100% of social circumstances. But we can all find people who feel like home to us, who make us feel whole and complete because they resonate with our heart in ways that are absolutely unique. It’s possible that you haven’t found those people yet, and I want to encourage you not to get yourself discouraged. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. Socializing is made of many experiences that are unique. It’s about learning cues of interaction as well. All in all, not just to find our way but also to create one.

I wouldn’t call it social anxiety, because it’s not, but I suck making friends. sometimes I am blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to.

But I also like to be alone, I don’t like people, it’s just they don’t fit in what I expect, I expect someone like me, and to be honest, there are not many people like me, and everyone that knows me knows that.

To be fully honest, by reading this, I couldn’t help but wondering: have you ever had the opportunity to determine if you are gifted? Because what you describe is a common struggle among people who have a different type of intelligence, or emotional capacity, or sensitivity (it’s not all about IQ). It makes you have higher expectations regarding others and interactions with people. If you often find yourself guessing/understanding things faster than others and being frustrated because you have to wait for others to get through the same conclusion as you, then I’d say there’s probably something to dig there. And if it happened to be true… then I have good news: there’s a lot more people who can relate and understand how that feels, more than you probably expect. It is a struggle when it comes to social interactions and finding a place where you feel like fitting, because you can’t help but seeing all the flaws, limitations, overall things that are not working as well. But with time and the accumulation of life experiences as well, it gets better. Again, these are just guessings at this point.

I also have a problem with my sexuality, I don’t know what I like, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone,

Regarding this specifically, again just throwing my two cents, but no one has to be disappointed by your sexuality. It’s about your privacy, and no one has a say on it as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone/is consented. It’s quite disturbing to feel lost while wondering what your sexual orientation is, because you start to imagine how people would react and it might be more or less safe to be one way or another depending on where we live. But I really want to insist on one thing: regardless of the circumstances around you, you are enough as you are. Our sexual identity is not something we choose. It’s about who we are. And people who are not okay with that need to grow and learn to be more open-minded, loving and kind, because it’s not their business anyway.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me I just feel there is no purpose for me, I can’t make my dreams come true, because why? I live in a bad country, where there aren’t many chances to make my dreams come true.

What are your dreams? If I may ask. I would love to hear about them, as it’s also part of who you are and what matters to you. Dreams can rarely be followed as such. But we can always learn to have a rational approach and find some middle ground. Ways to follow what is fulfilling to ourselves and to take in account the reality of life as well. All in all, your dreams are a fuel to your heart. They’re important. It would be an injustice to give up on them before you even started to try.

I’m bad with friends, never really had true ones and there is no one I can talk to, I don’t want to go to a psychologist because my family will look at me weird, and change how they treat me, they are sort of tough to me.

Well, you have now friends right here in this community, as long as you’re willing to spend time with us. :slight_smile: I’ve personally found a real family here, and learned to know people who are incredibly dear to my heart. And that comes from someone who’s pretty bad at socializing and staying in touch with friends in the long run. If you’d like to connect a little more with the rest of the community, feel free to join our Discord and to hang out during the Twitch streams:

I’m also sorry that your family would look at you in a weird way. It’s tough that mental health is so wrongly perceived. The action of seeing a counselor should be normalized, and not a source of shame. However, it’s important to keep in mind that this kind of choice is personal, despite what others say. If the only obstacle is how your family would perceive you, then it could be interesting to work on that beforehand. This obstacles doesn’t have to be one. It doesn’t have to prevent you from doing something good for you.

What are the things you are afraid they would say or do? If you want to talk about it, we’re willing to listen. :hrtlegolove:

You’re not alone, friend. And you don’t have to fit. It’s more about finding your way in a pretty wild world, which is a whole different journey. It may not seem like it around you, but no one really knows what life is about and we are all trying to figure out what to do with the time that is given to us. For some people, things become very clear and obvious at an early age, for others it comes later. What matters is to keep trying, to keep experiencing things… overall to keep living. Because it’s also through life experiences that you will learn more and more to see and embrace who you are.

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