What could go wrong?

I’m sorry in advance for the fucking novel. I got out of the Army six months ago. I’d spent the majority of my time in fantasizing about getting out and going home. Being with my girlfriend of several years, seeing family again, hanging out with friends again, and being rid of the general stress of being in the army infantry.

And now I’m out. I’m away from dudes that I’d fucking die for, surrounded by people that can’t relate to the past four years of my life. My pre-army buddies are in college or doing their own thing. My relationship failed a couple of months before I got out, and I wasn’t able to patch things up. The purpose I once had in life is gone, and I’m drowning myself in CrossFit, and BJJ/MMA training to make it through the days. I pour my pain, anger, frustrations, and loneliness into these hobbies. But it feels like I’m putting a band aid on a missing limb. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore and I often find myself thinking about dropping everything and disappearing to a random corner of America without telling anyone to restart my life. That, or filling a backpack up with cement blocks and jumping off a nearby bridge into a river. I don’t know anymore, and I’m sick of the desperation.

I first want to say thank you for your service. To say it is an adjustment period would be an understatement and devoting your time to crossfit and BJJ/MMA I would say is healthy because it is giving you a healthy outlet compared to other ways to cope. Ever think about doing it as a career? I think what might help is see if there is a veterans group that can help connect you to different vets or social or job opportunities. It will be an adjustment period but know that there are resources and people that care. Stay strong and know that you can talk about anything and everything.