I picked up and started to read through Dwarf Planet and one of the first things it asks you to do is to draw a picture of yourself when you’re depressed or a picture of how you envision it.
I decided to share how it sometimes can feel or look like for me.
Depression sometimes for me, can feel lonely and isolating even though I am in a room full of people that I love and care about. There are moments where, even when I know that people are there, I feel overwhelmed by a blanket of loneliness. It feels like I’m alone in the ways I’m feeling, even if it’s not always true.
It often feels like all of the weight in the world is coming down and crashing on me. Overwhelming amounts of pressure and heat
There are times where I feel like even though I know people love me, care and are there that they may not fully be able to understand what I’m feeling, which basically leads back to the first thing I said.
The bubble surrounding me in the picture are things like: My anxiety, stress, autism, ADHD, PTSD, the pain I fight daily, fear, my health, weight, insecurities and the stress and hurt within my family. All of these things feed the bubble that surrounds me and all things that I often feel like I’m fighting alone in even when I’m surrounded by good people. Sometimes it’s because I don’t know how to talk about these things or I don’t know how to express myself properly. Sometimes it’s because I guilt about sharing what’s going on with me or I feel stupid. Other times I just don’t have the energy. And it all just cycles back to the first thing I said and the over all image. Me feeling alone in a crowded room.
Depression looks like many things to me, but this is just one of the first things that came to mind when doing this exercise.
I know that I am not truly alone. And I know that even though those that I love may not always know exactly how I feel or how to relate that it doesn’t take away from the love and support that they offer me.
I know a lot of people here fight with depression and I guess the main reason I wanted to share this with you is so you know you aren’t alone and there are people who understand. Even if “feels” like nobody cares it doesn’t mean it’s true. Depression is a liar and it likes to beat down on us.
As I come up close to a year here on the wall. (Just 2 more days) I look back on how far I’ve come and how much of an impact Heart Support has had on my life. I came here in a bad head space and in a bad condition, but this community has shown me love, forgiveness, understanding and friendship.
I’ve managed to improve my mentality as a whole even though it’s still very much a work in progress. My attitude has improved and my heart is more open than it was when I first came in.
You are such an amazing person. I am proud of you for diving into Dwarf Planet and exploring these things. Here for you if you need anything, but you are an inspiration to overcome my own fears in starting this book as well. Love you, friend.
If you ever want to work through it together or want a friend to help hold you accountable for it, DM me!! <3 <3 Totally willing to be a support through it, even if we dont share everything that we do in it <3
@anon17277947 You are inspiring. Thank you for sharing your drawing. I really like how you represented it, this feeling of isolation and heaviness at the same time. And how you described it from your own experience. It resonates with mine. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for sharing what it looks like for you @anon17277947!
I recognize a lot in the picture you drew and the way you describe it all.
For me it looks very similar, but then again, we already discussed that earlier, didn’t we
One of the things with depression for me is: it can look different every day. Some days I’m able to do more and really be out there and actually feel like I make contact with people and then when I’m home it just goes down again, and I don’t have the energy anymore to get the stuff done… those are the good days… other days I can barely even look in front of me, let alone talk to someone or look them in the eyes.
Today I had one of my horn lessons and I felt like I needed to force myself to fill my bubble. To fill it with the sound that I had in vision… I can’t say that I completely succeeded in that, but I realized that when I’m down, I make my bubble so small… but there are a lot of walls and veils that are between me and the other people… I would love to be invisible and hidden in the smallest darkest corner of the room… that’s what it looks like today… and looks like more often then not…
Thank you for sharing your drawing… You are an amazing person and I’m so fortunate to have you in my life!
Oh yea. I totally get that 100% This was just a small example of what it can look like for me. Small box and small space, so I was trying to kinda give an example of a common way it can feel. But like you, my depression and how it looks can change frequently. I think that’s really common in most people actually.
As far as this bubble that you create for yourself, I can see that. Just with the things you talk about to me privately. I totally see that and why you do that. It’s very hard sometimes. But I also think that it is possible for us to work on those things and overcome it. It just takes a lot of time. Talking about it to each other is a huge part of that healing and getting better about it.
Thanks for sharing, darling. It’s nice being able to hear other peoples perspectives and how it can effect them. I love you!