What do I do at this point?

So this has been going on for weeks, the girl of my dreams is gone we still talk but it’s nothing like we did and it’s so hard. I don’t want to move on I wanted to marry her and grow old with her. I don’t want to feel like this anymore it’s stopping me from working, from being a father, and from looking after myself I feel like such a piece of crap without her. Yeah I did develop a dependance on her because I felt so close to her yet so far despite the distance she was the only thing keeping me together

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hey Brightfuse! Thank you for reaching out. You are very brave.

Can you maybe give us a little info in what happened and why you two fell appart? It would be easier to understand and advice you this way.

In the meantime, there is little I can say to make the pain of loving someone you can’t be with go away. At this moment, you have to live through the pain and take one day at the time. I am here if you need to talk.

All love,
Soda

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So we’ve only been together since February this year but talking since June last year. We have had a few rough patches and have both come from a pretty bad relationship background beforehand. The basics of us breaking up were around the fact that she was starting to feel a bit like I had grown a dependency on her and she felt as though her anxiety was getting the better of her and she was seeing things that her abusive ex used to act like within me. We were on talking terms maybe even on way to recovery but one weekend we were talking and on the following Monday a photo went up of her and another guy who is a friend of hers that I know has asked her out on a date before hand and without thinking I snapped, my brain went into hyper drive thinking she went on a date with him turns out it wasn’t but I had no idea they went out together. A bit of back story on the friend situation she had a few male friends who put of no where as she was dating me decided that they were dating her already and when she explained that it was not the case and she is seeing me they blew up at her and no longer talk to her. I’m struggling at this point to see the end because she was right I literally didn’t start my day unless I spoke to her or messaged he.

Now im not the type of person to be all " you can’t have friends" not at all. But it did worry me that they started hanging out more when she declined dating him. Deep down she would never ever do anything like that in just suffering because all I want to do is talk to her and see if we can build this back up. She lives up north from me about 200 miles and it takes about 3 hours to see her and every single hour was worth it and it still would be even if we could be friends I think I could be happy with that but inside I am destroying myself, I cant eat, I’ve had panic attacks,I almost lost my job from being sick, I’m not sleeping… the list goes on really

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You know, when you love someone it is in a way justified that your mind starts to become somewhat irrational, and you have thoughts that rush through it and can be distorted from how reality really is.

On the other hand, being with someone is about trust. You have to trust that she is not dating other people and take her word for it, while she has to trust that you are not the ex that used to abuse her. It’s a two way street this trust thing and it has to be a strong sense of belief coming from two people who really love each other. If the love is real the trust follows without any doubts. But when you start having doubts and these doubts are so strong that affect you so much, maybe you should indeed reevaluate this relationship.

Above all, if you partner cannot make you trust her and at the same time doesn not feel like you bring ballance to each other’s life maybe this is not the relationship you should be in. Nothing wrong with still loving her- but being with someone is much more that loving them. My suggestion is you do some inner thinking on how this relationship affects your life- outside of the good times and the pedestal you put your girlfriend on. Think about yourself and what you want in a partner. Then, make a decision if it is healthy to continue.

Best of luck.

All love,

Soda

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Hey friend,

First I will say your worth does not depend on another person. I know that is hard to understand sometimes though.

I want you to know that you are loved and you are not alone in this. I know that this must be so very difficult but my friend please know that there is better weather ahead.

No matter what, we are here for you. I am proud of you for talking to us about this- it is not taken for granted.

Hold fast, we believe in you.

With love,
Lyss (your old pal Blurryface)

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Hey guys thanks for the messages so far, I guess I’m still finding it hard to not be with her anymore. I know that talking to her still probably isn’t helping but I literally feel so lost without her. I had a purpose when I was with her it all seemed to clear and resolute and now it’s just I can’t even see into the next day. I have these massive fleeting moments of being okay and getting on with stuff to literally the lowest of lows where I just can’t carry on. I know it’s part of the journey but I don’t get how to do it

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Hey @Brightfuse,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I believe “trust” and “communication” are a couple of the most important things that make up a healthy foundation for any relationship. If she hasn’t given you a reason NOT to trust her, then you would be doing a disservice to her by immediately questioning everything she is telling you. If you do have doubt, please be communicative to her about it and you can both talk to her about it. We believe in you! :slight_smile:

-Eric

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I wish it was that simple but it’s not that I don’t trust her I don’t have the strength right now to fully explain where my insecurity all comes from but trust me when I say I trust her with my heart and my life

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Relationships are hard and complicated especially when they are long distance.
I know this has been said before but trust is key . Also faith that she would do the right thing by you. I would also like to address that your worth is not with your partner is with God…

You are better than you know. And sometimes anxiety can eat away form especially if your far away.

Hold fast

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Hey Carolyn,

My issue is that it’s not the mistrust in her that has caused me anxiety in a bit hyper vigilant as I have been cheated on in the past and I am dragging all the feelings over and I worry about her all the time because she’s far away
I feel less of a person now than I ever have because we aren’t together and it’s not that she made it that way but it’s because she was my everything

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@Brightfuse
Time will heal the pain. It will take awhile to remove forward. It can be hard to be your own person again if your whole world and worth is with a person. I have been through it. But here is the good news it isn’t your worth is in God. Time will pass and your falling out will recover. Destroying and punishing yourself is not the answer.

Holdfast

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@Carolyn88 I understand where your coming from. I’ve tried reaching out and all everyone says to me is “man up” or “just get over her” like to me it’s almost as if someone has died and is gone forever that’s what this feels like to me it’s awful to say but that’s honestly what it’s like.

I had another breakdown in work today and I just feel a bit awful because I can function as a person at the moment and it’s really eating away at me

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