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What do I do

lately, I’ve been having issues with my boyfriend of 2 years because I ended up letting a guy flirt with me through text because I liked the attention I was given. I never really exchanged the feelings mutually or sent any nudes but I’m still at fault for letting it happen. I’ve had a really troubling past with grooming and rape in my childhood so I’m not sure if that contributes anything. but now I’m left in the dark as to what is going to happen in the relationship because he is distant and needs time to recollect his thoughts… I totally get that but I’m scared because this is the first real healthy relationship I’ve actually been in and I don’t want to lose it all because of me and my stupid choices. I planned to live my life with him and we share the same friend group. If I lost him to this, I don’t think ill be able to live with myself.
I’d rather die if I’m being honest. I promised him I wouldn’t self-harm because i don’t want to damage him further, but i seriously dont know what to do to make things better.

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First, recite the Serenity Prayer every time you feel that panic in your neck:

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

You did the right thing coming clean to your boyfriend. You could have fought back when he found the messages, you could have attacked him for looking through his phone or made it about him somehow, but you did your part. You made yourself vulnerable, you gave him the power to act next, and that’s all you can control right now.

This is where having faith comes in, whether you’re religious or not. You have no power to control what happens next. It is scary as hell, I won’t diminish that. You will want to fight what happens next with all your might; but what can you change? As hard as it may be, you need to find the serenity to accept that.

It’s good that you understand he needs space to process. Let him have his space. I can say from personal experience that if he didn’t dump you on the spot, he is most likely trying to work through the pain, find clarity, and figure out how he can reconcile with you and move forward. This process won’t happen instantly, and if you try to force it on your terms you will push him away. Wait for him, and again have faith that whatever happens next will be for the best. If you want to contact him, write him a letter with everything you want to tell him, but do it freely without expecting a direct response. He may or may not respond right away, but again you’ll have done what you’re able to do, and that’s all you can do.

I can feel the guilt and the helplessness you’re feeling. I’ve been on both sides of this. Something that took me a long time to learn is self-identity. You are not your relationship. You are a woman with a past and a future, with your own feelings and dreams and goals. Your relationship does not define you, nor does the flirtatious texting. I’m not telling you to prepare for the worst, because that would imply that your fate has already been determined one way or the other. Just remember that you are still @Lilystar. You are more than simply half of a couple, and however this plays out, that doesn’t change.

I hope this goes well for you and him. Be patient. What happens next is on him, in his own time.

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