Sometimes I just don’t understand why I am where I am. I know that there’s a plan for me. I know I’ll face seasons that are difficult. But this one… I don’t know. It’s like watching a mountain only grow taller and taller, getting so tall that it’s going to just topple over on top of me. And for some reason I’m trying to hold it up in the air.
I knew what I was signing up for when I started my jobs. I knew what it would entail. But I felt this need to do it. That I was somehow going to be able to create this better future for myself and for the ones I love. But I’m at this point, where I feel like I could just collapse, let the mountain fall on top me, and breathe a sigh of relief that I don’t have to hold all of this up anymore.
But I can’t. I have to keep working. I have to keep saving. I have to keep giving. I have to keep going. I have to keep pleasing. I have to keep trying. I have to keep creating. I have to, I have to, I have to. I swear to you, my dying breath will be spent doing something for someone else, because this breath does not belong to me. I don’t deserve it. But somewhere along this way… I guess I just feel like I can’t do this anymore.
Hold fast friends,
Eran
Hi friend 
I’m glad you came here to open up to us about this. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate between jobs and showing your creativity along with helping/serving others. It also sounds like you’re getting really burnt out from doing all of these things but don’t know how to slow down? Or feel guilty when you do?
Trust me when I say I’ve been there and learned its normal to over book and over do things until you’re burnt out. Setting boundaries can be very difficult but it’s very healthy to do it. One person can’t take on such a load because one person can only handle so much. I want to encourage you to start small and take 30min. for yourself a couple days a week. This is you time where you focus on a hobby that makes you happy or just relax. It’s hard to help others when ourselves aren’t in the best place to begin with. People will understand that you need time to yourself and if they don’t then I would look at that friendship/relationship more closely and determine if its a healthy one for you to be in. We love you and you always have this community to come to!
Hold fast!
Maddie
Hey Eran,
I agree with Maddie as well. Someone like you who dedicates so much to others and being responsible needs to find of balance of helping others and ‘treat yo self’ time. It is imperative for productive people to take breaks for self healing and reinvigoration. I also know that can be a hard thing to do given that you have been serving and helping others constantly for so long.
Hang in there, friend. You are doing great. Treat yo self!
This year I got a new job and, while it pays more, the hour and a half commute had been absolutely destroying me. I knew I couldn’t quit and I felt trapped much like your story.
What ended up working for me was getting creative with a “compromise.” I talked to my boss and ended up getting every Friday off so I could recoup the “me time” that I lose throughout the week on my drive. Think of different ways you can give yourself more “me time.” Remember there’s absolutely value in saying no to things. In order to love and care for others it’s important that you love and care for yourself.
We are rooting for you! Keep us updated.