How do you cope with being absolutely in love (talking soul mate kind of love) with someone you can never be with? (Happily married with children).
I am in love with a man who will never be able to love me back, and I feel like there will never be another person like him. He is 100% perfect for me. I’ve been crying myself to sleep for months. I wonder why God would bring him into my life when there can be no future together? This breaks my heart into a million pieces. I live far away from friends and family and live alone so I have no one to talk to that will understand. Has anyone dealt with this? How do you move on? What if I don’t want to move on?
I totally understand this more than you know! I have experienced this too and it is very hard to deal with it. There have been tears shed, questions asking God why or what does it mean, all of that. Over time, I have found a few things that may help.
- In the moment I thought the person was 100% perfect, but more than likely they actually weren’t perfect but just appeared that way because of the huge crush I had.
- I was probably not perfect for them so it isn’t fair to think they should be with me. It isn’t anything wrong with me, but more just an issue of compatibility
- That person wasn’t the last person in the world to ever appear perfect for me.
We have blinders on when we have a strong crush. It makes it hard to go on. However, crushes are temporary and don’t a relationship make. You can marry your crush and fall out of love with them years later because that love has to grow into something more.
It is definitely hard to find who you think is the perfect person, especially when you are lonely, and have them not be available. However, there will be other opportunities and eventually things will work out how they were supposed to. God still has a plan for you and it will be good. Sometimes it just takes patience and watching it unfold. <3
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Thank you for the words of encouragement. It has been a really tough thing to deal with because he’s everything I prayed for. I’ve never been in love with anyine until now. Trying to NOT be in love, or fall out of love is the hardest thing 
I’m sure one day I’ll be able to move on, but right now I feel so sad and lonely.
Even though you feel alone with romantic love, lean on your friends and family to help you feel less lonely. We are here too anytime you just need someone to talk to. You don’t need to feel alone because you don’t have a significant other. 
Unfortunately I live a few hours away from my small circle of friends and family so I only see them on the weekends sometimes. I work from home, so I am alone all week.
Thanks again, I appreciate it. Getting the words out helps because I can’t tell anyone about this either.
I work from home too and understand that feeling of being alone. I have really opened up socially on twitch/discord in the music community. It has really filled that void for me. Not saying that would help for you, but there are communities out there that can fill that social need.
That’s super great you were able to find some connections. Everyone thinks working from home is glamorous, but it definitely isn’t. I have a few “friends” online, but it’s not the same for me yet. Does help a little though.
When I was still working in the office, I’m surprised how the majority of my social time was with my coworkers in the office. Other than teambuilding activities and such, I rarely would spend any time with them outside the office. It was still more contact than while working from home. Only “glamorous” part of working from home is the commute really.
The thing about lasting relationships, whether romantic or even friendship, they take work. You have to be willing to be vulnerable to them (which is terribly hard and I am bad at it), and you need to be willing to help them be vulnerable. Then give each other support and validation. Every relationship has a different dynamic of that depending on the needs of the people involved, but we are willing to find that dynamic and meet each other’s needs when we care for each other.
Just know these relationships just happen organically and value the people you are with rather than dread the people you aren’t with.
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Hey @jackskellington27. I really do like this and these are good tips to follow. I find myself in the same situation as @Lonely_Girl and I know it isn’t right of me. I am doing my very best to restructure my mind so that I can see the person as just a friend and nothing else. Thank you both for sharing!
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Thank you for the words of encouragement, Jack. Relationships of any kind do take a lot of work.
@micahshima
Micah, that’s what I’ve been trying to do, restructure my mind. But, everytime I see him, it comes right back. I’d rather be friends and be heartbroken forever, than to not know him at all. A sucker for punishment I guess. I hope it gets easier for you too.
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Hey Friend,
I know that I’m late on responding to this post, but I really needed to take my time to pray on this post and my heart, not because of you, because I’ve recently found myself in the same boat. And I have such raw feelings towards this topic, but I felt like I needed to respond and reach out to you, cause oh goodness my friend you are not alone, and if you get nothing else from my response, I do really hope that you get that! So buckle up, this is going to be longer, and I’ll apologize for any rambling or repeating.
First I want to say welcome to the community, I am so so glad that you are here! I’m so glad that you reached out, and I’m glad that you chose to be vulnerable. I want you to know that you are not judged here, and not looked at any different because of your openness here! We want to to be here for you in any way possible, and I would love to chat with you more about this, and I’ll send you a private message with my contact info! Now with that I want to remind you, that know everything that I say is completely out of love, and cause girl I’m there with you. I’m in the midst of it, and am trying to heal.
Now to be vulnerable with you, I too have recently (within the past almost two months), discovered that I had fallen in love with a marry man. Unfortunately for me, I was confronted by some others because of it, and well it turned into a very tough and messy situation, in which both the male and his wife blocked me, and I lost a lot of friends because of it. Now because of the lack of the explanation I don’t want to assume, how or why and in what circumstances you caught those feelings, but for me I caught them due to vulnerability. I had opened up to this person about everything, and ended up catching feelings.
Before I go any further I want you to know that you are so loved, and this isn’t your fault at all. It doesn’t seem like you have malicious intent at all, as you have said that you know that you guys will never be able to be together. From personal experience, I’ll tell you that honestly that was the beginning of healing for me, because I told people for weeks before that I didn’t have feelings for him, but yet my action and words showed differently. It was the biggest stab in the heart, to know I loved someone, but also know that I could never be with him.
Oh girl, I’ll tell you I asked myself that same question, and I continue to. Let me give you a tldr about this person. This person is a leader of a community I was/am apart of. Who not only helped me grow in my relationship with God, but also helped me through so much of what I was going through in life. In some sense, I give him major props to why I’m still alive, and why I am who I am today. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less right? So it’s so easy for me to be like God, you placed him in my life for a reason, but I didn’t want to fall in love with him, and then well in my case I now have no contact with him at all, so I then ask God why He took him from me.
I wish I had the magical answers for you on how to move on, how to make the pain stop etc but I don’t and I’m sorry for that! I’ve been struggling with this like i said for going on two months, of trying to move on, but had feelings for a couple months before that. My advice is to go day by day, and no matter how much it hurts, and believe me I know it does, to just cut contact with that person! For me, I was forced to by that person, and it seems for you it may be a choice that you have to make!
As far as not wanting to move on, I was there, and still kind of am. I don’t want to move on, I don’t want to stop loving him. I don’t want to feel like I can’t be happy with him, despite what his circumstances are. But the reality is that you can’t be with him, and I can’t be with him either. I know it hurts, I still cry over this, and it takes time. But I want you to know that I’m here for you, and if there’s anything I can do to help please let me know.
You are loved, and you matter my friend! Don’t give up!
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
Monkey
Hi there @Lonely_Girl,
Appreciate you sharing your story and vulnerability! It can be tough putting everything out there so intimate and to do so can be the beginning of help and healing.
In this situation, heartache, no matter the circumstances can be so challenging and discouraging and ultimately be tough to move on from. My question would be, what do you like about this individual? Is it primarily a physical attraction, emotional attraction, or both?
No matter what it comes down to, it doesn’t mean that you will never meet someone like that ever again. Heartache can take some time to heal from. One thing to think about is obviously being married with kids is off limits, but something to think about is someone who is married should never have the capability to treat and love you like you should be treated and loved, since their love and energy goes to their current spouse and children. There is someone out there that is perfect for you that is going to be in the right place in their life to dedicate all of their time, energy, and love to you and you alone and not shared. You deserve nothing short of that.
You deserve the best and my encouragement to you would be to focus on loving yourself for you and your worth and also to be the best person for your future significant other to give back as well. Continue to stay hopeful and positive, it will come in the perfect timing and it will be well worth it.
-L