I’m 30 year old male. I have a decent job kids and a girlfriend. But I’m at a point in my life were I am miserable. I’m never happy and I’m depressed most of the day. I constantly think negative. Mostly about the mistakes I have made in the past and the mistakes I’m going to make in the future. I worked at a place for 8 years that slammed me for every mistake I made and I can’t get over it. Even though I have moved on from this place and have a new job I can’t help to think that it’s possible people think I’m a screw up even though I’m doing well in life. My new job has been going well but I recently made a mistake so that really has been bothering me to the point we’re all I wanna do is sleep. I hate the fact that it could be possible people think I’m a screw up. I just wanna be normal. I live my life based off of people and it is horrible. I feel like everyone talks about me to the point if I get up at lunch and walk away from the table I assume they all start to talk about me. I feel like the world has me under a microscope. Can anyone give me some advice? I’ve been to 3 different therapist. I’m on prozac and have been on Lexapro and Xanax in the past. Nothing has helped. I am still miserable and feel like I would be better of dead so my head doesn’t drive me crazy with paranoid thoughts anymore. Please help
I relate to this so much. My dad and stepmom back when I lived with them preached perfection and not making a single mistake. It got so bad that I would self harm to teach myself not to screw up. It’s taken a lot of people being patient, telling me it’s ok, and that mistakes are a part of life to feel some relief from this. I suggest being open with the girlfriend about this (apologies if you have) and having them support you in a way that lets you heal. Also if you can, try to get into therapy or text the crisis line. I forget the number for that. Just try to remember that we as humans are more than the mistakes we make and that our good outweighs the bad.