What if i can't fit into my prom dress

If you’ve read my topics before, you’ll know that i struggle with my body image and my relationship with food.
During my exams, I have been nicer to myself when it comes to eating; telling myself that it is brain food, and without it there is a chance I wouldn’t do as well as in my exams. I let myself gain weight…
Most people would tell me that the weight isn’t noticeable, and i know that it isn’t that much, nor is it the end of the world (for most people).

My prom is in a couple weeks, and I can’t help but stare at my dress, praying that it still fits on the day. Each time I try my dress on I hold back tears and pray that it still fits as I feel the squeeze of the zip on my waist. For the first time ever, i’m dreading going on holiday (just before prom) because i’m scared that i will pig out as one does on holiday and not be able to fit in my dress. I am a pig.

I recently got out my summer clothes from last year just to find I can’t pull most of my shorts past the top of my thighs. I never thought about the size of my thighs before but I tried on pair after pair in desperation as I wanted to just burst into tears until i found the only pair that i could just slip past. This made me feel guilty for eating, and even worse when I had to go buy new shorts.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to be comfortable in my skin, see the beauty in myself, or see myself as skinny; after all, there is always skinnier. How will i ever be able to spot my progress if each time I look in a mirror I see a different person, a different size, a different feature to be fixed? I wonder if I will ever see myself as beautiful.
I just think about how a year ago I avoided mirrors at any cost apart from when I put on makeup or doing my hair. It sounds stupid now, but I actually flipped off every reflection I passed. Now, I can’t escape the mirror, the scales, or the physical feeling of getting larger as I sit around doing nothing that makes me feel sick. Every chance I get, I check the mirror at every angle possible to see if there’s another feature to fix like my back fat, FUPA, my arms, or my face.
I feel like every time I start to feel better, something causes me to spiral back to a phase one.

Thanks for reading this. I don’t know if i’m being silly with this but i just needed to get out all this somewhere.

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I just want to validate that your feelings aren’t silly.
It’s not something that people can just get over and be okay with. Just recently I saw a photo of Margot Robbie in a two pieces and people were shredding her body apart. I thought she looked amazing and it hits the self confidence when you think of someone like her can be so harshly scrutinised then what chance do I have?

Like you I try not to look in the mirror. I have a small mirror in the bathroom and a handheld mirror that I use for makeup and hair, but other than that, I try to choose clothes that I love for the sake they are comfortable and they look good. One thing that has really helped is having friends and a partner who support me so much. They may not fully understand the extent of how I feel, but being able to talk to them and listening to them has been something that has been a life saver.

It’s harder when you’re younger because most if not all girls struggle in some capacity with this and it takes some time to start feeling confident in your own skin.

Being kind to my body and myself has been so fundamental. I used to go on holidays and feel the same way. I still do at times. But I’ve been finding a balance between enjoying meals out and also enjoying some activity. But also being mindful of my limitations. If I need to rest that’s okay.

For me it started with just small goals. Doing some small walks every day a few times a day. I personally didn’t notice much difference but people around me have. I try not to go on the scales too much, but every now and again I do and even if it’s a small progress I let myself celebrate the progress in the moment.
Now saying this doesn’t mean that I’m encouraging you to lose weight because I am in no way qualified to assess you and I’m definitely not here to judge you.

Being healthy looks different on different people. If I were my friends weight I would be considered to be underweight even though she’s as tall as me. I’ve been her weight before and it wasn’t healthy for my body.
Recently I started losing weight and the changes have been so small and subtle and I haven’t been harsh with myself. I still enjoy pizza and enjoy a sweet every now and again.

Our bodies change over time. Im learning to be so grateful for what I can do and for what my body has been able to do for me. Being kinder to it and giving it love is something that has and continues to be a struggle, but it’s also so important x

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