What if I just want to die?

What if I don’t see the value in continuing living a life where I’m constantly miserable. People tell me “You’re just going through a bad time.”

I’ve been going through a bad time. I’ve been going through a bad time for most of my life. I have a chance to kill myself, finally. I’ve tried therapists, psychologists but nothing works. The only way I can finally feel free is through my death.

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I want to let you know death is not the way to find peace or freedom in your life. You are loved by God and you are loved by people on this earth, even if it does not feel like it right now. Just remember you are loved! I am sorry that you are and have been going through hard times and are hurting right now. I know when we continuously do our best and pray, things do start to change for the better in our lives. I know hope still exists in your life! You do have a purpose in this life and there is a reason that you are still alive!! Even the small acts of kindness you do can have great effects on people’s lives. I hope that you can find time to do things you enjoy even if its simply taking walks and listening to music. Even though nothing seems to work right now something might eventually. If you want to talk more please do reply!

God bless and Jesus loves you so much, and just in case you did not already know I want to tell you that you can always talk to Jesus no matter who you are and what you have done or been through. He is always standing by your side with open arms.
You are never alone with him by your side. John 3:16 " For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

If God were real, I’m sure it’d still ignore me.

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Jesus did not ignore me while I was in tough times and he will not ignore you either! Regardless, I know you are here for a reason, and you have breath right now because you have a good purpose on this earth. I know it can be tough to see this right now, but you have great potentials. I am not sure what exactly happened or what is going on in your life but I believe that you will overcome these situations. Continue to stay strong! When negative thoughts come into your mind about yourself you can start to challenge the thoughts by saying something positive about yourself.

People tell me “You’re just going through a bad time.”

It is indeed frustrating to hear that kind of thing when you’ve been brave enough to share about your struggles. It feels like you’re not listened or understood. Like what you are going through isn’t really important… while what you’re experiencing is very real and is impacting almost everything in your life. Even if it is said with compassion, it’s not necessarily what we expect to hear when we decide to be vulnerable and ask for help.

But when we put aside the frustrating aspect, we can keep the main idea behind this message. It’s less about invalidating your feelings than saying that there is always a potential for your situation to change, even when you don’t have hope for yourself, even when it seems impossible to project yourself tomorrow or in two months. There is potential because you are here, you are breathing, you are alive. And that’s your most powerful strength.

Life is tough. It really is. And yet it seems that you’ve been taking some very important steps to work on your mental health and receive the support you need. Seeing therapists and psychologists is not nothing. It shows your eager to live. But yes, unfortunately, it can also take time:

  • 1/ to find the right therapist, as this is based on a human relationship;
  • 2/ to find the right therapy: it can be a long journey to find what suits you more, what makes sense to you;
  • 3/ to actually see the effects of therapy. It’s not like when we have a broken leg and we can expect to heal in x weeks or months, while knowing precisely what we have to do. It takes more time to work on our mental health. And sometimes we can’t help feeling lost, wondering what we’re doing and why.

You need to give yourself some grace, friend. I really hear your frustration and this need for things to be better now and not in the future. But you’re not doing all of this for nothing, even if it seems useless for the moment. It’s not. Every time you do something to take care of yourself, it is worth it. And you’re not writing here for nothing. It is still a way to stand up for yourself and your life, which I am very grateful to right now.

It’s unfair to feel like your life has been about suffering, pain, sadness and only this. I feel that too. But somehow having to try to break the mould is what helps me to really embrace beauty and love when I see it. Just because it feels like it’s rare enough to be acknowledged. Even if you feel like you’ve been going through a bad time for most of your life, I’m sure you also had good moments. You know there is a potential for something different, something better. But to actually experience it this life, this world, needs you.

There is hope, friend. I’m not saying it to be kind. It’s just a truth, even if sometimes it’s hard to see it or to accept it. If you can’t see it right now, that’s okay. But give yourself the time that your heart and your mind need to actually see it. Hold on to what you feel is worth fighting for. Hold on to the reasons why you asked for help and why you are still doing it, in a certain way. You are not alone in this. :hrtlegolove: