What is happening

im so confused as to why god loves to throw me so many intrusive suprises every single day. im in rehab today and i go to the bathroom and look at my phone and i see my ex from july has started to follow me on instagram and reply to my story, for those who dont know shes this girl who had intercourse with her guy bestfriend and i got sent a picture from him of her on top of him. Shes the reason why i even started smoking weed, and why im still so depressed and i just dont know what to do. i get overwhelmed so quickly and i hate it. im literally in rehab typing this rn while im shaking. im still so hurt by her actions and i just dont know what she wants or what i should do, somebody please help me please

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Hi there friend,

I’m so sorry to hear about these troubles you’re having lately, especially today. I know how hard it is to feel paranoid that someone like that is watching you. I think, that if she is as bad as an influence like this to you, in my own opinion, it may be for the best for you to block her. You are deserving of being able to set boundaries, and be able to heal without her presence causing further issues for you. I would like to provide you with https://www.loveisrespect.org/ , which is a hotline with trained counselors in relationship counseling. They can help provide support, resources, and knowledge towards your struggles.

I think, in any relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic, a great starting point for you may be to look at setting boundaries for yourself. Here are some handouts below to learn and work on making boundaries for yourself:

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/setting-boundaries

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/healthy-boundaries-tips

I hope these can help you get started on your process with healing from this negative experience. Let us know if there’s any way we can help.

Take care, hun.

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Hey, I understand why this is so upsetting. I’m so sorry for what you are going through rn. I saw in your other post you are 15 years old. 15 was a hard age for me too, that’s when everything started for me and please don’t worry too much or you’ll be putting yourself in more harm that you arent aware of. Unconsciously, its possible to harm yourself mentally if you worry too much I’m sure you know that. I’ve also had VERY shitty relationships, which didn’t involve cheating it involved other heartbreaking things.

i know how it feels to not be involved with someone anymore due to traumatic events and then suddenly being involved with them again but not in a relationship… if that makes sense.

If people don’t want anything to do with you then take that as a sign!! THEY’RE ASSHOLES! and i bet it’s not just towards you. You do not deserve to deal with people like this. You are not alone with anything you face! You have to remember that. And i know sometimes it sucks to hear that because it feels like you’re being told “you arent special, so stop complaining”. But i mean this from the bottom of my heart… YOU ARENT ALONE :heart: :slight_smile: I mean this like → you don’t have to suffer on your own :slight_smile: you have sources and people you can talk to on here! Like me!! If you need to just contact me and we can talk things through, and maybe i can give you some advice! You may be doubtful of this but all of us on this platform LOVE YOU… We don’t even know you but we see how you’re struggling and automatically we want to know whats wrong and we immediately try to figure out a solution or just worthy advice. We all care. And also its very motivating to come one here and comment on others post! Sometimes you say really inspiring things to people and it gives them a boost, and that boost reflects right back on you and that feeling of happiness just hits you! There are some really wonderful options you have as just a quick fix from sadness! I want you to think about all of this.

You are loved! :heart:

-Ashley (this was a rant so i hope at least some of it made sense :slight_smile: )

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From: The Blind Ash

My friend, I am so sorry you are struggling with these things. Firstly I am grateful you have come and shared this with us. That in itself takes a lot of courage to admit you dont know how to handle a situation I am proud of you for knowing you cant handle this and seeking help with this. I cant entirely tell you what she wants or what entirely to do but I can say that its a choice you personally need to decide. Do you still want her in your life? I am not sure if she is someone worth that or not. I do know that sometimes bumps in all relationships happen and it just takes the time to heal from them and than work through those things with the specific person. I am also aware that perhaps it is just too much pain on you to do so than I say ignore her and even if you feel up too it mute her messages and or remove her completely. I also want to say I am glad you are seeking the help with stuff she has caused issues with in your life. That takes a lot of strength and wisdom on your part. I am unsure if they have this or not but perhaps if you get to see a therapist/ counsler it would be wise to discuss this with them. I know that one of the biggest and best pieces of advice I was given in my life is that is this person worth the time and energy you are putting into the relationship. I was also taught recently that sometimes we need to be the one that looks out for us to get up and say hey I need to put me first if that means not having contact with someone that stop having that contact at the time perhaps later you can try and see if it is still a non positive situation or if it is a positive one. I really know that sometimes taking ourselves away from someone can help us gain a perspective of the fact that this is not good for me or that I do miss this person here is what they helped with for me. Just know take care of you. Hold fast Ash

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From: Who.is

I think anyone in your situation would feel hurt and betrayed. Trusting someone isn’t easy for some people. Especially when it comes to fitting that trust into a relationship like that. I think the shock of seeing her name show up must have been very overwhelming for you! It’s hard to move on when something from the past comes unexpectedly. Maybe blocking that account would help you move forward. It can be hard to not engage and I’m sure you still have all those lingering questions, and I’m sure she may even have a million excuses or reasons. One thing you can look forward to is developing new friendships and relationships, and they will also help you start to heal, but right now it sounds like you need the time to be able to focus on yourself. I don’t know if your rehab does some talk therapy, but it’s helpful to talk it out and hear that people have your back. We also have your back! I hope this week will be easier for you

Hi Baka,
thank you for sharing that. your focus should be right now on yourself. only on yourself. you can only heal when
you let go on things. not to think about that anymore.
she is following you ? she cheated on you, so you should not care what she is doing on social media stuff.
i would even stay away from that. much of social media has a toxic influence on many people , but that is my
opinion on it. not everything but most of it. when it comes to feelings in the direction of love, your head is out of
that summary then. your heart takes over. then it gets harder.
love is the strongest force on earth.
that is why it is so hard. even later in life your heart can hurt more then any injury you can imagine. a heartbreak
is always something really worse. focus on yourself. take care of yourself now and don’t think about others.
they did not give a sh** about your feelings. so why bothering with them ? you are more important. you matter most.
you deserve so much better than that. you are not responsible for the actions she did. that was not your fault.
you are responsible for your actions. you are in charge of your life. you are taking your steps on your pace.
people come and go. but you have to live with yourself a bit longer than that. so you need to take care of yours.
find things that you love to do, spend your time with that. with people who are honest to you, people who love you.
you are loved, and you matter. hold on. you do great. feel hugged my friend :purple_heart:

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for posting, Im sorry all this has happened to you, reiterating what others have said to you though. This relationship was over, was verging on toxic and even if it wasnt at the time it certainly is now and you dont need this in your life, Maybe its time to move on, block this girl, get yourelf well and out of rehab where you can focus on meeting a new honest date that will make you happy, I wish you well with all of it, you deserve to be happy. Much Love Lisa x

From: Dr Hogarth

Hi Sussiest_Baka,

I’m not surprised your shaking and feeling overwhelmed. I’m just going to agree with everyone else here and say you need to block this girl. What has happened between you has had an enormous affect on your wellbeing, and your wellbeing needs to be the priority here. I think it is entirely understandable and reasonable for you to put up boundaries in this situation. Even someone twice your age would find that a very stressful interaction.

I know this is hard. Anyone who has ever gone through heartbreak, and all the conflicting emotions and sheer panic that it brings, knows it’s hard. I promise you though, it will get easier, but there needs to be a clear line drawn with no confusion. This is the day you go your separate ways and this is the day you start to care for yourself.

Never hesitate to post here if you are feeling overwhelmed. It’s going to be okay, and you will move past this. x

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First off, that is so effed. It is totally okay and understandable to be upset and really hurting right now, as well as angry at her! I think this is a call for healthy boundaries. I would just block her. You deserve to have people around you who make your life better. And if someone in your life is hurtful like that it is a reminder of who you are not. You needn’t judge her, because in her own way she is probably suffering too. Hurt people hurt people, but that does not make them bad. But it is appropriate to take space and protect your bubble of who gets to influence you.

There is always a hidden blessing in toxic dynamics like this in that you learn something from it. (The tricky thing about life is that if you don’t understand what its trying to teach you it will hit you with the same lesson again and again worse than before). BUT, when you understand, you are free in a new way. You have unearthed some insight about yourself or others that frees you from an old pattern. You can learn to identify and avoid people in the future who might treat you the same way. You’ve got new radar.

If the time or inspiration strikes you, I would look into attachment theory. It is something I have found profoundly eye opening in helping me understand why I am attracted to certain types of people and why I feel a certain way about them, and what I can do to change it. Be patient with yourself, these things don’t get better overnight, but the pain does pass in time and you will be the stronger and wiser for it. Here’s a quick video about attachment: The Four Attachment Styles of Love - YouTube

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I think God believes you are mighty strong. Mighty resilient.
That is a lot.
Sometimes He likes to lead through the dark night of the soul to get to the other side. Take you the hard road because there is so much to learn on that path.
I would gently suggest you delete your social media accounts, as you do not need to be “followed” to find your way. And seeing her name will only open the wound deeper.
It is time to take care of you. Let the people at your rehabilitation center hold you. Help you. Lift you up so you can move forward.
Breathe.
You can do this.
You are good.
You deserve kindness and love.
And even when you think He is not there, He is.