Hi. I have been going through the motions of living my life after my last attempt, and it became easier after a while. But now, I don’t know what happened, I feel like I am going back to those thoughts of just not feeling motivated to be around anymore. And I can’t talk to anyone about it. I just feel like a loser sometimes. Like I am willing to allow anything bad to happen to me and I will excuse it as if its something I deserve. AM I wrong for feeling this way. Should I stop, or try again.
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Hi friend,
I am glad you took the first step to talk to someone about what has been going on after your last attempt and feeling the lack of motivation to be around still.
I hear you in this sentence entirely and have had exactly those same deep thoughts of why did this happen to me. Sexual trauma made me run that question through my head multiple times.
Such things are not what you deserve or righteous punishment from actions you have taken. I do not know your journey friend of where you have come from but your story is worth hearing through even though it may be hard to tell.
You are loved by me no matter what because you are not a loser but a being of so much goodness. I encourage you to continue to share what is on your heart and soul since you are not alone.
<3
Thanks for reaching out on here 
Recovery and healing are not always as simple and linear as we hope they will be. You are not wrong for feeling how you do right now. Depression is a complex issue and can be especially exhausting if you’re working through it alone.
Thank you for choosing to talk to us about how you’re feeling. I know that you say you can’t talk to anyone about it, but we are always here to listen and encourage you when you need it. I don’t know what the people in your life are like or why you don’t have someone to talk to about it, but I didn’t talk to anyone about my depression and suicide ideation for years. The first handful of people I talked to about it did not respond well at all (including family and close friends) and it made me terrified of talking about it to anyone ever again. But after a few years I opened up to two other people who responded very lovingly and have been great support for me through my therapy. I tell you this because it may seem like something you shouldn’t talk to people about this, but there are safe people out there who are able to listen to you and support you. Again, we are always here for you. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings openly here.
I want to remind you also that you are not a loser. You are not wrong for feeling how you do. You are not deserving of bad things happening to you. Depression can make you feel that way but your life is meaningful and worth fighting for. Healing may include ups and downs and days when things feel even heavier, but you will not always feel this way. Healing is possible and you are deserving of happiness!
Sounds like u r looking for “your bottom”. It’s only as far down as we allow it to be. I feel like that too. I dont have the answers …only my experience. Obviously we both think in some dark lonely corner of our minds …that we want to live…last night was dark for me. I am glad u r here.
Thank you so much. Sometimes I just get so afraid because Indont want to disappointnanyone by feeling this way but it gets overwhelming sometimes.
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I think that was what I have been doing. I sometimes have to catch myself before I self sabotage again. But its alright. I hope you are doing a bit better, and if not then, I hope the next day feels decent.
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