my name is Skyler I’m 19 this started 2 years ago my now recently ex girlfriend who was both the love of my life and also the person I now know who was my mental support was the reason I surived for 2 years I have bad social anxiety so talking to people is hard when all your mind dose is when you try talking to someone it just yells “they hate you,you did this and this wrong,they will never respond back cause who would wanna talk to you” and etc it makes being social impossible so when I met her and I didn’t have those thoughts going on I was happy I could talk to someone without fear we would talk everyday and even when my depression would get really bad she managed to make me feel a little less bad I also live in a mental abustive house and after running off to my bedroom every time I would be threatened with abuse or possibly get hands laid on me I would just break down crying and try choking myself but I always stoped cause I had her to live for I can’t mange to hold onto friends I fuck it up in some kind of way so she was my only reason to live well recently I found out she was just using me for her attention and I broke up with her now I’m just alone I have no friends and my parents wouldn’t care if I died they recently let me starve off of a bag of chips for 5 days when I try thinking of a reason not to just go ahead and do it I can’t think of a reason and just a couple days ago I nearly did they where gone for a trip recently leaving me home alone I walked into my bathroom and stared at the bathtub thinking of drowning myself but I didn’t do it but I wish I did
Skyler, you haven’t lived until you’ve had your heart smashed in to a billion little pieces and survived! - At your age I experienced Heart Break for the first time and it was worse than breaking a limb. It bloody hurt.
What you need is to get a good group of support around you. Whether that is making friends by going to your local basketball court and asking to play or joining an amateur theatre group or something that involves working in a team… maybe even a job you like doing? - The point here is to be around others that pick you up. It seems like a tough ask, but you sound like a tough guy. Push through mate, Who knows… you may surprise yourself. Much love mate.
My heart aches for you and the pain you are feeling right now. I know what you are going through. I too, have though I would be better off dead and have googled the least painful ways to die. I have felt completely alone and uncared for and I have been used by someone who I thought loved me. I know the pain you are feeling is so real and feels all consuming, but I’m begging you to keep fighting. I am so sorry that you live in a home where you dont’ feel the love you deserve to feel. Your parents should treat you with love and care for you. It’s not fair that they treat you with hate, and I’m sure it makes it difficult to believe that there are people out there who will love you but there are. This community is a safe place for you, and we will always welcome you here with open arms. Please stay here, this world needs you and if you keep fighting I promise you will find joy and love.
I felt like that before I came to HeartSupport. I felt like I had nothing or no one to live for. I took to pills to try and kill myself. My household is also mentally abusive, and, that was all I had… I had no one else. When I came here that changed tho… I began to live for the people who took me under their wing. For Dan, Casey, Josie, the others that I’ve become so close with. Because, sometimes, when you’re doing these things for someone else, you learn to do them for yourself in the process. I’m still learning this - but, i’m getting there, you will too. We’ll get through this together.
Hey friend, you’re dealing with so many things at once and I can tell in your writing that it’s difficult for you to manage all once, and I’m so sorry that is happening. That is why you are having a tough time seeing a reason to live.
You’re so much stronger than you realize to have lived through everything that you have lived through and to still be here. That is amazing. You don’t have to give up this strength, you can keep going with it. You can use it to find love, happiness, and to continue living your life, and to grow and be better than those who have treated you so poorly.
You are so strong. Love you friend, hold fast.
Also. I want to send you an encouragement sticker:
My house is mentally abusive but it’s a bit strange like 6 months can pass by without any form of abuse then like all of the sudden there abuse like once I start feeling like my house is so called ‘normal’ again aka my parents are happy then it just happens and I’m back to living on the edge again they been fighting a bit more then usual lately and if that’s a sign it’s about to come I’m scared cause everytime just everytime it happens I run back to my bedroom and I try hurting myself in some form mostly choking and what always stopped me from going over the edge with it was I had my now ex girlfriend
Thanks you acutally made me cry (happy tears) and I’m aware both my ex girlfriend and my parents are not right I’ve had past friends including my own ex girlfriend who been on the edge who I talked out of ending there lifes but when I get on the edge I don’t want to talk about it cause I’ve had friends who been thought worser stuff so mine just seem silly compared to things they have faced and well now knowing my ex girlfriend just used me those times where I talked her out of ending her life I don’t even know if it was real or not cause she would just message me the next morning saying something like “oh,I just took some pills and fell asleep on the floor I’m fine” and I don’t want to say I wanna end my life and worry plus scare so many people just to wake up the next day being alive sadly I can’t join the streams it’s too early where I live which means my family is up and the only time I get privacy is at night when there asleep or if there gone like out to the store but I will join the discord and I will have to email you at night thank you for giving me the book for free I wouldn’t have sadly been able to buy it cause my family would ask “why do you want to buy a book? you don’t ever read” and then explanining it all is just big no cause they don’t know about my ex and that I’m depressed for just multiple of reasons okay I have to go now cause they just got home
Sorry I didn’t see your message until this morning before I fell asleep and I’ve been having a pretty bad day today so I haven’t felt like being social I didn’t sadly google it up…my family was on a trip and I was home alone I didn’t want a way that my neighbors would hear me screaming from pain so they could stop me and quick and easy so I figured drowning was the best way it keeps on getting harder to put up a fight to live when my mind saids I’m better off dead and my family just proves they don’t care I die and it won’t matter I’m aware they should treat me better and what they is not love or even care it is hard to try to believe when people tell me I’m suppose to live when everything around me saids I’m not and I will be better off dead and I don’t know how to be believe in keep fighting to survive to another day when everything is yelling give up already
Hi sorry I didn’t get your message until this morning before I fell asleep and I’m having a pretty bad day today there is a lot but I’m sort of used to my social anxiety I can’t be friends with anyone and it’s been like that for years so I’m used to being alone but when I get closer to someone and I actually can managed to be friends with them only for them to leave me it’s a lot harder to deal with I lived thought my parents mental abuse yes but sadly they did a form of abuse that made me numb to it it’s called rugshrugging you do abuse then act like nothing ever happened and now that I’m not numbed to the abuse and I know that it is abuse it’s worser to deal with I’m not seeing the bright side of my really messed up life like you are and it’s hard to keep fighting everyday when you don’t have a bright side I just want to curl up in a ball and die today