I’ve struggled with Schizophrenia, Autism, Anxiety, and ADD for several years now
I was bullied a lot throughout all my years of school because of it, I was in a Special ED program throughout all my years of school, I was bullied a lot, by all the other kids all throughout elementary, middle, and high school.
I’ve been called handicapped
Been told that I’m
worthless, ugly, pathetic,
I’ll never amount to anything, how could anyone ever love you
I’ve been
manipulated, was forced to carry someone’s stuff all day because that person supposedly
"Hurt their ankle "
Been in negative toxic “friendships”
because of low self esteem
Got made fun of when I lost a noticeable amount of weight.
Was told that I should die, get aids, turn gay and give my partner aids and the both of us should lose lots of weight and die together,
This bully got everyone involved including teachers and they yelled at me in unison
I hope you die, I hope you get aids
I hope you turn gay , give your partner aids and both of you lose a lot of weight and die together.
A few years later my closest friend died from cancer, which took a huge toll on me,
Later on that day we were gathered around the table celebrating my mother’s birthday
I didn’t want to be there and I was extremely mentally and emotionally drained but I stayed there anyway, that night I sat on the floor in my room and started crying.
It got so bad to the point where I didn’t leave my room, I was living off of skittles and energy drinks. I started to listen to music with bleak subject matter and wear dark clothing as a way of coping with what happened, I was made fun of for doing so for several years.
When I was about 20 years old I decided to vegan, others around me weren’t very happy with my decision and made fun of me for choosing to live that way.
To this day they still make fun of me for continuing to live this way and have told me oh I wish you were vegetarian, or oh you used to eat steak and you won’t even eat it now.
I am sorry you have been treated so badly through out your life. Nobody should be shamed because of their illnesses, disabilities, music taste clothing or sexuality. You were used and shamed but honestly those people who shamed you should be ashamed. This kind of behavior is toxic, cruel and honestly pathetic. I am also sorry that you have lost your friend due to cancer. It must have been hard for you to experience loss at such a young age. I want you to know that whenever you feel down I am here to talk ok. Just DM me and I will try to respond as soon as possible. I hope better days are ahead of you so you can be happier and more content.
the same way we say that your past mistakes don’t define you, the same way your past does not define you. The things we’ve been through? They change us, they scar us, but with the right wok and lots of focus, we can start the process of leaving some of those things in the past.
That girl who bullied you in school? You know what is the best “revenge” for all of that? Be happy with you are! Be so happy with who you are now, that the thought of someone saying mean things to you will make you laugh! don’t carry a memory of a mean person with you and don’t let it define how you see yourself. She didn’t know you, she took advantage of you, and that’s all the burden She has to carry, not you.
Same with being vegan! The best way to get people to shut up about it? Be the bestest, healthiest vegan around! Let them look at you and say, “dang what is she eating to be looking and feeling so good about herself?”
Essentially, what I’m saying is:
The best way to get back at others? It’s to not get back at them at all!
It’s to get yourself stronger/healthier/happier so that the scars they gave you stop hurting. That you free yourself from that pain, and you move on, happier, healthier, braver, stronger, more capable.
You deserve to not be haunted by the past. Let’s see how you can work to forget those old pains and be the best you!
It is unfair that you have endured so much hatred and lack of acceptance from others through your life. People tend to say that children can be cruel, but bullying shouldn’t even exist nor be enabled by schools. It is amazing to see how much it has become more and more a topic addressed by the authorities, but it is still not enough. I wish you never had to endure any of this. Today though, you are using your voice, you share your story, and that alone is likely to do good in the life of many. Empowering yourself by reclaiming your story and your voice is part of healing and not letting your past define you. That’s what you’ve been doing here, and you can be proud of yourself for that.
Unfortunately, people will always make judgments about everything, even during circumstances that are absolutely not appropriate to do so, such as grieving the loss of someone dear to our heart. I’m sorry people pointed out fingers at you while you were grieving. This is such an intimate process - no one gets to tell you what is good or not, what is meaningful or not, when your heart is in pain.
You are you. This life is yours, regardless of what people say to you, think about you, or how they behave with you. Something that no one in your life will ever be able to take away from you, is your own beauty, and the rich, vivid spark of life that makes your spirit uniquely yours.
