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What now?

I’m just sad today. It’s to the point where I don’t think I could get out of bed again even if I tried. My heart feels so much pain, and I know it’s not fair to complain. People have it worse than me. Even so, I still find myself feeling like I want to end it. I try to breathe but every deep breath feels tougher than the last. I feel so alone in this moment. I genuinely feel like I’m drowning in this emotion. I check my phone every two minutes hoping maybe someone will text me or maybe someone will see me and find me attractive. I’m not. I’m not attractive and that’s why I’m alone. I don’t know what to do. Happy early birthday to me I guess.

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Hey @Ramona

Today is allowed to be a sad day where you cannot get out of bed due to the amount of pain within. Even so you have the fairness to complain about certain circumstances revolving around the level of pain you have. Each of us have different levels of pain tolerance. Do not end it but endure even though it feels like this too shall last but tommorrow is another day where things could be brighter. Keep reaching out cause I see you for you and no one different.

Dear @Ramona - yes to everything @blacklink13x just posted. You are allowed to have a sad day. They happen. You are allowed to complain. We ALL do - and NEED to. You CAN endure because that truly is the only choice. You will get stronger through this. The world NEEDS YOU. <3.

Hey @Ramona

I’m really sorry that you’re having such a tough time right now. I know from experience that wrestling with depression and loneliness on their own is difficult enough, but having to struggle with both at the same time is completely and utterly exhausting. And then feeling unattractive on top of those? I don’t think any person would want to get out of bed if they had to deal with that kind of weight! Yet, here you are, being brave, open, and honest about what you’re going through. I wish I had the strength that you are demonstrating right now, I really do.

I was in the exact same place as you are currently before 2020 had even started. I was lost in the ocean that is my depression and loneliness and my social anxiety made (and makes) me feel inadequate and unattractive as a man. A few months later, the pandemic hits and I’m swamped by a wave of further isolation that I hadn’t even thought could exist. Then, one day in April, when I was walking my dogs my neighbor came up to me with her own dog, Wally. Normally I would just exchange some small talk and then be on my way but Wally came right up to me and insisted I gave him some attention. Because of this I was forced to have an actual conversation with my neighbor. I’ve always been a shy and guarded person but she must have picked up on something in the way I was carrying myself or the way that I was talking. As we went to go our separate ways she said “Keep the faith Kyle.” Suddenly, I had a plank of wood in my ocean. It wasn’t much, but it was at least something I could hold onto.

I’m telling you this because I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that it is ok to feel sad and tired and unattractive, and that you are not alone in feeling these things. I want you to know that even if you feel like people have it worse than you, you do have a right to complain! Because every person who is going through pain deserves to have their voice heard: and there should be no guilt in that. The title of your post says: “What Now?” Well, I think you should take the time and allow yourself to be sad today. Curl up in a blanket and put on your favorite show or movie, or maybe grab your favorite book. On my sad days I like to binge watch videos from a YouTube channel called the Game Grumps. They’re these two goofy guys who play video games and their laughter is like a bottle of sunlight for me.

And I’d like you to have this piece of wood. On it you’ll notice the words: “Keep the faith.” You might also notice the worn hand-prints from when I was holding onto it myself: to remind you that you’re not alone. Much love and Happy Birthday :hearts: :partying_face: :hearts:

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I appreciate all the support but it’s just too much. I don’t think I can keep feeling this alone anymore. I’m sorry for wasting your time.

You’re not wasting our time! We’re here because we care about you and what you’re going through. We’re here because we want to support you in any way we can, whether it’s helping you carry the weight or simply walk alongside you.

I would encourage you to check out the Heartsupport live streams (https://www.twitch.tv/heartsupport) and the Heartsupport discord channel (https://discord.gg/6Zr6wK).

We are here for you!

I just can’t keep going like this. It hurts to even breathe anymore. I don’t know what to do. I just want the pain to stop for a moment. I just want to stop hating myself. I want to be able to get up. Anything, but nothing is going well for me. I’m suffocating

I hear that you’re hurt and you’re tired, and I know that a person can only fight for so long: believe me I know. But, I’m asking you to trust me: “I say it’s worth it, I won’t say it’s fair” - (Nipsey Hussle). It’s going to take longer than you might like, but the pain will get better. I’m sorry my friend but I just can’t take your pain away, as much as I would like to. I can only provide encouragement and pledge my support. I promise you that it will get better, but it’s going to take time and every ounce of patience and strength that you have. I promise you that you’re not alone in your fight. And I promise you that the Heartsupport community loves you unconditionally, and that we are with you every step of the way. :hearts:

I can’t keep going anymore. I can’t keep feeling this lonely. Knowing that I am just a experiment. How long can a human last without any love in their life? I wasn’t put on this earth to find happiness, I was just a placeholder. Worthless and constantly looked over by everyone. I am sorry I couldn’t handle it any longer. Thanks for the kind words.

I want you to know, that the pain you feel, it’s valid. Everyone struggles with their own battles, and they all affect them in different ways. I see you.