What's happening to me? please help

I don’t know what’s happening
It’s hard to breathe, I can barely make out words, it’s all just noise that I don’t want… I want it to be quiet, but quiet is dangerous.
I’m hurting so much - but I’m so confused. I mean, other than some stuff this morning about how pathetic I am for making such a mess with cuts on my arm and how ugly I am, my parents haven’t really done much to make me feel this way… Usually I can somewhat work out a small plan to make myself feel better… This time it’s different.

I’m so confused. I don’t know what I need to do. All I can do is cry. That’s exactly it though… No one has given me the permission to cry, I don’t ever cry without permission, what’s happening to me? I don’t understand. It all hurts. I’ve never gotten this bad before… To the point that I’m so scared because I don’t remember any of my other methods of coping or ways of keeping myself safe. Not a single one.

What do I do? How do I handle this?? Please help me, I’m scared, all I’m able to do is stare at this blade and cry… What’s wrong with me??


Nothing is wrong with you Kayla, you’re having a tough moment. I’m having one right now as well. Just breathe, and it’s ok to cry. We’re here for you.

Hey Kayla,

I’m sorry you are going through this right now. Its okay just to cry. Our emotions are here for a reason and crying is very cleansing in my opinion. I know you said you don’t cry unless someone gives you permission but I hope you know you never need permission. It is okay to cry and it is okay to not have a reason for it either. I used to avoid crying 100% of the time because I just hated it and felt weak because of it. I eventually realized that crying wasn’t a bad thing and that sometimes it’s all I could do when I felt the most overwhelmed and that was okay.

I also want you to know that although you did cut, you are no less beautiful or any less worthy of love. Tomorrow is always a new day. I know you are in a lot of pain right now but you will make it through this. You are not alone my friend.

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes

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