What's happening to me? please help

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I don’t know what’s happening
It’s hard to breathe, I can barely make out words, it’s all just noise that I don’t want… I want it to be quiet, but quiet is dangerous.
I’m hurting so much - but I’m so confused. I mean, other than some stuff this morning about how pathetic I am for making such a mess with cuts on my arm and how ugly I am, my parents haven’t really done much to make me feel this way… Usually I can somewhat work out a small plan to make myself feel better… This time it’s different.

I’m so confused. I don’t know what I need to do. All I can do is cry. That’s exactly it though… No one has given me the permission to cry, I don’t ever cry without permission, what’s happening to me? I don’t understand. It all hurts. I’ve never gotten this bad before… To the point that I’m so scared because I don’t remember any of my other methods of coping or ways of keeping myself safe. Not a single one.

What do I do? How do I handle this?? Please help me, I’m scared, all I’m able to do is stare at this blade and cry… What’s wrong with me??

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Nothing is wrong with you Kayla, you’re having a tough moment. I’m having one right now as well. Just breathe, and it’s ok to cry. We’re here for you.

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Hey Kayla,

I’m sorry you are going through this right now. Its okay just to cry. Our emotions are here for a reason and crying is very cleansing in my opinion. I know you said you don’t cry unless someone gives you permission but I hope you know you never need permission. It is okay to cry and it is okay to not have a reason for it either. I used to avoid crying 100% of the time because I just hated it and felt weak because of it. I eventually realized that crying wasn’t a bad thing and that sometimes it’s all I could do when I felt the most overwhelmed and that was okay.

I also want you to know that although you did cut, you are no less beautiful or any less worthy of love. Tomorrow is always a new day. I know you are in a lot of pain right now but you will make it through this. You are not alone my friend.

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes

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