So I’ve got two issues here, and they’re not related, but I feel like they should both be in the same post.
First problem is regarding someone that I used to talk to a lot, I’d say S is an appropriate letter to refer to them by. Through most of my first two years of high school (I’ll be in senior year once things start up again) S and I were incredibly close. We would be talking almost all the time. Come February or March of 2019 and we abruptly stopped talking. I’ve tried to initiate conversations but rarely get much of a response. They’ve claimed that they don’t hate me or anything and I really want to believe them, but it’s hard to believe when I rarely get acknowledgement. Even if it was just saying that now’s not a great time or replying late would make their claim more easily believable. Should I keep trying? It gets harder each time seeing the past conversations I’ve tried to start with no response.
Second one is about someone I’ve yet to mention here, I’ll refer to them as L. I’ve known L for about 11 years now, yet some events have made me be admittedly very irrational. I won’t go into detail as a great amount of shame accompanies that, but just know I had no reason to do what I did. It was spiteful and very much inconsiderate. The irrational thinking made it so I really needed some space from them and so I took it. I don’t usually do that, but it felt necessary. They tried to message me but not only was I not very willing to give a response, I don’t think I could have if I wanted to. I eventually told them that I just wanted space after they asked my family and K about it. I tend to not think about my actions when I feel forced to do things, so my delivery was probably a little too blunt. I never gave a reason for my actions, though the original reason I did all this is still there. The silence from my end has been going on for months now. Every time I think about it I feel like there’s no way I can start conversation. I’ve apparently worried them quite a lot, but that hasn’t changed my actions.
The main reason I chose to put these in the same post is because of the realization that these two paragraphs could be from two different people with the same issues as I’m having. One being ignored, and one ignoring. The fact that I’m both of those at the same time really doesn’t make me feel very great about myself as a person. It feels like no matter what I do in this situation my actions will be hypocritical. If I try to talk to S, then why did I get so upset when L tried to talk to me? If I move on from S, then I’d have to accept if L did the same. It feels like there’s no right answer here. If anyone has some advice, let me know.
