What's the best way to continue?

So I’ve got two issues here, and they’re not related, but I feel like they should both be in the same post.

First problem is regarding someone that I used to talk to a lot, I’d say S is an appropriate letter to refer to them by. Through most of my first two years of high school (I’ll be in senior year once things start up again) S and I were incredibly close. We would be talking almost all the time. Come February or March of 2019 and we abruptly stopped talking. I’ve tried to initiate conversations but rarely get much of a response. They’ve claimed that they don’t hate me or anything and I really want to believe them, but it’s hard to believe when I rarely get acknowledgement. Even if it was just saying that now’s not a great time or replying late would make their claim more easily believable. Should I keep trying? It gets harder each time seeing the past conversations I’ve tried to start with no response.

Second one is about someone I’ve yet to mention here, I’ll refer to them as L. I’ve known L for about 11 years now, yet some events have made me be admittedly very irrational. I won’t go into detail as a great amount of shame accompanies that, but just know I had no reason to do what I did. It was spiteful and very much inconsiderate. The irrational thinking made it so I really needed some space from them and so I took it. I don’t usually do that, but it felt necessary. They tried to message me but not only was I not very willing to give a response, I don’t think I could have if I wanted to. I eventually told them that I just wanted space after they asked my family and K about it. I tend to not think about my actions when I feel forced to do things, so my delivery was probably a little too blunt. I never gave a reason for my actions, though the original reason I did all this is still there. The silence from my end has been going on for months now. Every time I think about it I feel like there’s no way I can start conversation. I’ve apparently worried them quite a lot, but that hasn’t changed my actions.

The main reason I chose to put these in the same post is because of the realization that these two paragraphs could be from two different people with the same issues as I’m having. One being ignored, and one ignoring. The fact that I’m both of those at the same time really doesn’t make me feel very great about myself as a person. It feels like no matter what I do in this situation my actions will be hypocritical. If I try to talk to S, then why did I get so upset when L tried to talk to me? If I move on from S, then I’d have to accept if L did the same. It feels like there’s no right answer here. If anyone has some advice, let me know.

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Perhaps it’s not about being a hypocrite. Perhaps it’s about understanding. Offering compassion to both L and S. Knowing what it’s like to have some kind of shame or issue that prevents you from connecting can help you move in compassion for S. Either toward S in a way that you would need L to move toward you, or away from S without any bitterness because you understand where they’re coming from. And perhaps knowing what it feels like to be ignored, you could craft a compassionate response to L explaining that you’re struggling with some internal feelings and offering some interpretation for your actions, as you would wish that from S. Or, it could be offering L compassion if they move away, just like you might do with S.

I think this is actually a really GREAT situation that you’re in because you’re learning different perspectives. You can use that learning to benefit both relationships. It’s not about being hypocritical, it’s about growing as a person, which learning new perspectives is a major part of that.

Sounds like you’re actually best equipped to know the best way to continue :slight_smile:

So as it turns out S actually had no problem with talking to me, I had just been somehow choosing the absolute worst times to try to start conversation. That really simplifies things for me and I should be able to approach the other issue with a more level head.


Amazing. Great work trying again :slight_smile: