My first post and I’m sure that some people already posted stuff like this but anyways, here we go. I’m 17 years old (german, forgive my mistakes) and depressed like hell. It gets worse everyday which means my good days are less frequent. I’m thinking about suicide more often but I’m kinda afraid to actually do it. I already have therapeutic aid but that’s it. My parents don’t really care how I’m feeling right now and don’t even try to talk to me anymore. My “friends” are not really into emotional stuff. I had friends that really cared but that was like 2 or 3 years ago. After 10th grade I lost all my close friends. They all had new relationships and all but me…my social skills weren’t and aren’t good at all and so I was alone and nobody cared. A few months ago I tried to contact a girl, who was one of my close friends and who I had a crush on (but not anymore). We met and had a good day together. After that she said that we could be close friends again but she never contacted me on her own, so I assume she doesn’t care about me at all. I’m always thinking about asking her for help but it wouldn’t feel right to do so. I don’t want to annoy her, waste her time or drain her social capacities. Apart from that I don’t have anything special to offer anyone. I can play the piano but just casually 'cause I practiced it myself for 10 years now (well, my grandma tought me the basics). I’m kinda good at sports in general, so that’s something at least. But other than that there’s not really anything others can’t do better. Even my skills I mentioned are always inferior to someone else’s. I’m bad at school although my therapist said I had a relatively high IQ (the same therapist did a test with me when I was 6 years old or something) but I can’t see me as smart or anything. Everything I try at school is not good enough to count that much. My grades are bad and I’m afraid I won’t pass my A-levels with any good grade. I can’t go on like this but I just don’t know what to do other than running away 'til I can’t run anymore.
Hi @nightmarely. I’m sorry it took so long to get a response to you. I’m sorry to see that you’re feeling so bad. I’m glad that you posted here about how you are feeling. Even if someone else did post something similar, that was their life. It wasn’t yours. Everyone has their own story. It’s great that you reached out to us.
Because you are thinking about suicide, I would like to say that if you get to the point where you feel you are seriously going to hurt yourself, please go to a hospital and ask for help. I know that life feels like it’s not worth being here, but I wholeheartedly believe that everyone has a reason for being in this world. I realize that you haven’t found your reason yet, but that just means you have to keep looking. You don’t know what you have to offer the world, and what if it’s something amazing? Something that you just don’t know about yet? What if Albert Einstein (who is believed to have had depression) took his own life and the theory of relativity wasn’t found? What if Nikola Tesla (who had several mental health issues) did the same and never invented the Tesla coil? Or what if none of the things they invented were invented? What about Vincent Van Gogh? He had mental health issues. Without him, the world wouldn’t have some really gorgeous paintings. I realize that these aren’t the best examples, but my point is that they ( Einstein and Tesla) were smart, with high IQ’s, and suffered with mental health issues. Your reason might be something that seems small, like planting the seed that grows a tree, and that would be great! They all had reasons to be here, just as you do. That brings up another thing. I’m not surprised to read that you were tested with a high IQ. I’ve read that people who have a high IQ are more likely to have depression or other mental health issues. It’s also not surprising to me that you would have bad grades- depression, among other conditions, can cause a lot of problems that end up causing bad grades. Can you do any extra credit projects in school to bring your grades up?
I’m sorry you feel like your parents don’t care about you, and I’m sorry that you’ve lost all of your friends. If you think you can, maybe try to sit down with your parents and have a serious conversation with them about how you feel. Tell them you need help. That you need them to take you more seriously, and to talk to you more, and they need to do it with understanding and compassion. The same goes to your friend. Contact her. Have a serious conversation with her. Ask her for help. Tell her how you’ve been feeling. It won’t be a waste of her time. I know you think that maybe she doesn’t care because she doesn’t contact you first, but a lot of times when someone doesn’t contact you, it’s more about the things they have going on in their life. We get so stuck in our heads sometimes, and time seems to crawl by, and it feels like someone we want to talk to is taking forever to get back to us, so it feels like the person is ignoring us, or doesn’t like us anymore. But it doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like you, it just may be that he or she is busy.
I’m glad to read that you are going to see a therapist. I hope you’re telling her everything about how your feeling and she is doing something to help you.
I hope that something I said makes you feel a little better. You don’t need to answer any questions I asked unless you want to.
You are important in this world.
You matter.
Don’t forget that we are here for you when you need to talk.
Hey, remember that feelings are fickle. Let the negativity pass through you as a feeling. Notice it for a moment then move on. Do things or find things to do that give you pleasure maybe not necessarily while doing them but when you have completed them. Trust me I have dealt with depression a long time. I know what an easy road negativity is to go down. There is a good road to go down, and it is just as easy but for whatever reason harder for us to find. It does exist! Don’t get caught up in judging yourself against other people or assuming other peoples expectations for you. Just be. You say you are good at sports. Remember there are some people in the world with no feet. Expand the positive and shrink the negative. Takes practice. Look in the mirror and say aloud “I Love You Just The Way You Are”.