Hello…
I’ve taken a long to finally open up about how I feel. I am married and have family but no matter what is happening all the burdens fall into me.
I have suggested that I feel worthless and not appreciated but I get looks and comments which make me feel worse. If I mention I need a rest I get the reply that everybody needs a rest.
It makes me think that whatever I do isn’t going to be good enough.
I don’t really think anybody cares if I live or die…
People do honestly care, sometimes though they get overwhelmed though and do not know what to say if a situation is really bad. It may not be that they are ignoring it, but that they are not able to express what needs to be expressed. I know it is not easy being married and maybe there needs to be a sit down talk about how much falls on each partner. Communicate your needs and concerns to your significant other and listen to what they say too. It may be that you both need to get some rest and get a sitter for the kids and take a day to just rebuild the groundwork. Keeping the relationship alive is half the battle. Look at the last time one of you brought the other a gift, did something nice, took a day for the two of you. Without doing that at least a couple times a week things tend to weaken and get shaky. Do not give up hope either. Sometimes it is small things piling up where they really are not as huge as they look too. Without taking recharge time off and on, things do build up, get stressful and really do wear at you. You are not worthless either, no one is, and maybe you just need to look at what you are doing that is good in life, what your positives are. I am sure there are many around you that see them and just maybe do not say anything about it. There are always friends and people around you do not always see who do care about you too. Hang in there and look around. There is so much you can learn from the things around you. No one does things alone if they can help it, they find friends and people to aid if the burden is getting to be too much, they find positive things in life when things start to look grey and bleak to keep things upbeat. The listen to inspiring songs, dance, sing, paint, whatever it takes to find something good and beautiful in the world. You have something you can do that is uniquely yours. find that thing you do, and practice it until you make it something magnificent. Everyone has something, maybe it is time to try something new to find something fun and beautiful in life too. Do not let the dark times ruin things though. Everyone has dark times, bad times in relationships, it is what you do with them to mend them if possible or find healthy ways to clean it up that makes all the difference. Stay safe and see what you can find in yourself. Best of blessings.
Thank you for your reply.
My wife has now decided that she doesn’t want to be with me so has told me to find somewhere else to live…
That’s about the final straw for me… what’s the point …
That does stink. I have been there myself. My ex husband I found out was cheeting on me and dumped me for someone younger and with better health. It can happen to anyone on being dumped. Things will work out though and if the door was closed, then it is time to find a new path. This is not your fault, things can happen and life can twist unexpectedly. You are not alone and can make it through this though. There are many who are willing to reach out and help you through all this if you are willing to try. I know it hurts. It stinks terribly. There is always a future out there though if you can keep looking forward and keep trying at life. There is so much adventure out there and new beginnings. There are new people to meet and friends to make. It will hurt for a while though, but it is not a path that can not be shared with others and it is not one you have to fight alone. There will be new opportunities and beginnings. Do not give up on the future though. There is so much out thee to see and do and look for in life. It is ok to start over even if it hurts. It is ok too to find someone you trust to talk to too through all of this. Best of blessings and I am sorry you are going through that right now.
@Mark1, I am so sorry to hear about you and your wife. It’s incredibely hard to be in this situation, and I really feel the hopelessness through your words. This community may not be able to change the situation, but know that you are not alone right now. It may feel like it’s the end of the world, of your world, and I’ve indeed no words to describe how it feels. But we see you here. You are not left alone, friend.
For what it’s worth, the past few months (and when I say few, it’s more like a year now) has been incredibely heavy to me too. Major events, losses, changes and obstacles I had to face all at once. Things have been piling up - and keep piling up. I spent so much time reflecting on my life and wondering why, or even if life is something else than just painful obstacles arising again and again. Sometimes it feels endless, indeed. I’ve been battling with an important illness, my partner and I separated for 7 months, I lost my job, I received some pretty overwhelming news in regards of health in my family, I relapsed deeper in depression and anxiety. Each of those things felt like the final straw for me too. I systematically wondered: what’s the point? Just like you do.
But the point is you, friend. I’m here. You’re here. Despite the obstacles. It may be a very simple yet difficult answer, but it’s the one I’ve been learning to understand through this crazy year that just passed. And I keep learning.
I hear your exhaustion though. It sounds that you’ve been carrying it for a long time now. Too long. I don’t know you, but I do care. Genuinely. There is a tough season in your life right now. But you will grow stronger through it. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not instantely. But day by day, with the right support and people who’ll keep doing life with you.
I hope with all my heart that the situation with your wife is only temporary. You know, when we struggle, we’re not necessarily commited to our loved ones. It can create some distance. And it’s not easy to open up about it. So if I may ask: is your wife aware of how you feel, of what you’re going through? Maybe she only sees it through her own eyes, and not through yours. Maybe there is a need to communicate with her, in a more open way, even if it’s hard to chose to be vulnerable. But I don’t know the precise context between you two, so please excuse me if what I say is off topic. Know that we’re here to listen if you desire to talk. Here to support you through this.
You are so loved. Even if you may be questioning this right now. You are loved and cared for, really.
And you are not a burden at all. You’ve been carrying one. That’s the huge difference. It seems that you’ve been really strong for a long time. It’s okay to get the rest you need. It’s okay to say it too. Even if sometimes people will respond with generalizations, as you said in your first post, it doesn’t invalidate how you feel and what you are experiencing. I hear you. We hear you. You deserve to be okay. You deserve to get the right support to go through this difficult time. And I want to encourage you to keep reaching out as much as you need - absolutely no limit for that.
Hold fast. There’s no one like you. And you are not defined by this moment of your life. You are so, so much more. I believe in you. We all do here. 