So far, therapists haven’t understood me, or at least haven’t communicated that I’m not crazy or that things are figure-out-able. Maybe it’s just how I perceived it, but that’s how it felt. It felt like I’m just talking in circles because they don’t get what I’m saying.
It takes a lot for me to trust a person enough to talk to them and to be honest (unless it’s all written, I’m better at that than talking)
With therapists so far, I always felt like I’m talking to a wall and that I’m talking in circles. That they are not actually listening and just stating basic or random things and that they didn’t get what I was saying, and that therefore I have to keep saying the same things, but they just don’t seem to understand what the point was of what I was saying.
Ugh, I relate to what you said… so much. When I tried different therapists (not so much, “only” 3), I systematically ended to be annoyed by them one way or another. Like they learned a lot of things, theories, and didn’t make the effort to step out of it.
Also I felt like I didn’t learn anything from them. The very first appointment I had, the therapist told me “you already thought a lot about your situation”. Well, yea… if I come here it’s because I’m kind at the end of the rope, so good luck to tell me something new. I don’t want to sound pretentious or anything by saying this, nor that I’m saying that they weren’t smart or not sincere when they were talking to me. I’m really sure they were genuinely invested in this. But I guess, as you said, that I was picky too. I felt like they just didn’t understand what I was saying and I couldn’t find the right words to let them know.
Somehow it also reflects the expectations we can have about this and… more generally, I’d like to think that it shows how much we’re actually willing for it to work.
Just some ramblings, but this make me think about a major scene from the movie Good Will Hunting - Sorry if you know it already.
It’s only my interpretation. But I like to see it as being about honesty, humility, and the fact that the more supportive relationships arise when one truth is shared: no one knows what it is, how it feels, to be in someone else’s shoes
. So there has to be common values, compromises, honesty between people. Otherwise it can be counterproductive, or even hurtful.
Actually I’m thinking about something while writing this. I never tried a therapy saying: “I already met some of your colleagues before. I have already negative prejudices about who you are - profesionnally - and I doubt that you could help me”. That would be honest. And something to work on. I guess we can easily forget about metacommunication sometimes.
Anyway, sorry if this is a bit off-topic.
I see that you don’t put away the possibility of another try, which is already a positive state of mind. But also super glad to hear about the nutritional psychology though! And especially that you like it. That’s quite an interesting entry door. And I guess more like a “complete”/complex kind of therapy than a traditional one.
You know what… You’re doing great. Seriously. And thank you for explaining, sharing. Wasn’t aware of all the things you tried and the things you’re already doing now.
I still hear and understand what goes along the words you shared in your first message. Hitting this dark place, having those thoughts coming back and forth is exhausting. But as on the matter of seeing your friend and be willing to try to talk to them… I’m glad to hear that. You know… maybe you don’t see it through your own eyes, but you are strong.
Take care, friend.