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When it doesn't seem like you can get out or get up

A user from the Support Wall was having a very hard experience close to home. They felt that, because they’d been “in it” for so long, they couldn’t escape, or couldn’t muster the will to find a solution.

First Look:

  1. Where do you most firmly place your identity? What kind of role does that look like? (Husband/wife/manager/home-owner/veteran?)
  2. If someone who you don’t know were to ask you “Who are you?” how would you respond?

There are many different focal points in our lives we can choose to focus on: wealth, family, friendships, romantic love, or even ourselves. If we go “all-in” on one, we might neglect the others and be out of balance. For instance, if I’m focused only on wealth, I’ll put in long hours at the office, sacrifice my physical health to be more “productive” or choose to spend time working instead of building relationships with people I do care about.

In the video, Nate talks about feeling stuck in a situation and feeling like you can’t get out. Sometimes, we can go “all-in” on that one area of our lives, and when it doesn’t satisfy the deepest parts of our hearts, we despair. Taylor also speaks to the importance of self-care. The user might be focusing only on their family, and as a result, isn’t taking care of themselves.

Next Steps:

  1. On a piece of paper, jot down all of the roles you have in your life.
  2. Take 30 minutes and dwell on which ones you’re prioritizing, and which one’s you may be neglecting
  3. When you determine which one you’re neglecting, ask yourself why that is so. Are you avoiding a situation where courage is needed to do something difficult? Or, do you not think that that role is important enough?
  4. For that role, choose one of the following: A) Commit to putting effort into doing things that fulfill that role, or B) Choose to drop that role, or come back to it later. Instead focus on the roles you know you have capacity for and can cultivate well
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My exercise results:

First Look:

  1. For me, I over-identify with a “hero” role
  2. I would respond “someone who helps people, and always serves others”

Next Steps:

  1. My roles are: Personal Development, Husband, Father, Director of Development (heartsupport), Pastor at Oikon church, and Friend
  2. I 100% prioritize Personal Development over the others. I sometimes can rationalize that by saying “well, I’ve got to invest in myself so I can do everything else well.” This is true to a point, but when I take too much time for “self-improvement”, I miss out on spending time with my wife or son.
  3. Speaking to my role as a Father, I definitely shy away from entering into it 100%, especially when it feels like what we’re doing doesn’t really “matter”. Like spending time with Henry - if we’re building legos or something, but I haven’t yet done my workout for the day, I’ll start being anxious and stressing out about working out. And so at that point, I’m not present with my son.
  4. For me, I’m going to commit to putting a little less energy into personal development, and a little more into focusing on being a good dad.
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