Hi there, Heart Support. Happy New Year.
Like many here it seems, I learned about this website/resource via @kitboga (whom I only discovered a few weeks ago, but whose Twitch livestreams have rapidly become something of a security blanket during a challenging time of life.) I have been lurking around Heart Support for awhile, but this is my first time making a post. So (if you don’t mind), a bit o’ background about me…
For much of my youth I suffered from some of the more common afflictions of the human condition: depression, loneliness, debilitating social anxiety. After ~1.5 decades of major mental health challenges, I got tired of stumbling my way miserably through existence, and began to work (and I mean really work) on healing & bettering myself. Through this process, I discovered yoga & meditation, which were nothing short of transformative (can’t emphasize that enough). Fast forward the clock, and I have now maintained a disciplined, daily practice of both for nearly ten years. For most of that time, I have felt better mentally, physically, and spiritually than I have my entire life. Full stop.
That said, these past few months have been doozies. I’m trying to be grateful for the challenges and the lessons they offer, but life is a lot right now, and it helps to talk about these things. The anonymity offered by the internet means that talking to strangers online is sometimes easier than seeking support from “irl” friends/family. So Imma give this a try and see what happens…
(1) About three-months ago, I gave birth to my first (and likely only) baby. He is an absolutely gorgeous little boy, but he was born with numerous health problems: a club foot, hearing loss, abnormally slow growth (he is now less than the 3rd percentile in terms of both weight & length), and “noisy breathing” (cause thus far unknown). All of these things in isolation are quite treatable, but my son’s doctors (he has had 1-2 doctor/hospital appointments every week since he was born) are nonetheless concerned. Apparently, it is rare for a baby to have so much going on at once, and so the doctors worry that these issues could be indicative of some more serious overarching health problem. I love this baby SO goddamn much, and so while I fall decidedly into the agnostic/athiest camp, I find myself praying a dozen times a day that he will be alright and that his health issues will get sorted out. I think I would die if something happened to my little boy.
(2) On top of that, about a month ago my landlord told me, out of nowhere, that she wants to sell the place my family rents, and thus we need to be out of our apartment by the end of January. In addition to the newborn baby, my fiancé & I also have three cats. So we need to find a new spot that is cool with that, on a limited budget, in the middle of an affordable housing crisis. I am beside myself with stress, and so is my (amazing, wonderful) fiancé. This has caused a not insignificant rift in an otherwise awesome relationship. So we’re trying real hard to navigate that.
Whew. OK. That’s me. That’s where I’m at. Thanks in advance for the love & good words. I think that the work people are doing on this site is so valuable. Moreover, talking about mental health & life challenges helps normalize/destigmatize them, making it easier (hopefully) for others to do the same. So my intention is to respond to some of the messages others have left as well, but as I’m spinning a lot of proverbial plates atm, please do bear with me if I don’t get to that right away.
~We are a way for the cosmos to know itself…
S.
