Alrighty friends lots has happened and currently just getting more and more hopeless. I am drowning beyond being drowned. I dont know how much longer I can fight this or the thoughts in my head. Let me go back to help explain what is going on.
Just over two weeks ago I was informed the person I live with is moving back to her hometown. That means she would be moving before I moved out of our current place. Well that’s okay but here is what is the problem. We have used a lot of shared things and it had been great to not have double or even triple of every item we wouldnt need that much of. Well my roommate had told me she was going to leave specific things too me and suddenly has changed her mind. So now I am being left with what to do because i wont have pieces I need in order to eat or etc… it just so upsetting because I was already questioning how can I move past this how can I find success or do much bad health for you. So much feels like it is being ripped from me. It feels like that ball and chain that had been on my ankles just got 20 times heavier from an already full plate. I have no clue what to do and all my mind keeps screaming is your a worthless idiot who cant do crap right. Her parents dont even want me in our place when they come so I am being told to just leave for those days. Like too me that hurts. I have been trying so much to do things to help her and help her pack to move and I am beyond broken beyond not okay. I am stretched beyond a limit I dont want to feel anymore. This battle has been one if not deepest battles and I want to give up. It keeps feeling like I am the one cursed with such hard things. Like my life is a completely broken down matter that doesnt matter to others. Fighting these thoughts are just not working. I need some help and encouragement or I may not be able to keep fighting.
Ash
